HEYA! It's like, 10:30 PM Saturday night, and I just cannot get myself to do ANYTHING. It stinks. I've got so much to do I don't know where to start. So much. I mean, on top of finals and everything I need to move my crap outta this apartment and into storage or mail it to my dad. It's gonna be a crazy week, next week. I don't know how I'm gonna get through it. My tummy's been hurtin' all night. At least I got the dishes done. That's a plus. They'd been sittin' there for like, two weeks. Gross. They're clean now. My room's semi-clean. I guess I'd better get started on something. Blech. I really am gonna miss everyone when I leave. This last Tuesday night the small group girl leaders all prayed for me. That gave me some much-needed hope and strength. I have so many people I want to hang out with before I leave, but I don't know that I will be able to do that. After everyone had prayed for me, Charity said that she was looking at my upturned hands during the prayer, and she almost reached out to hold mine, but that God said, "I already have them."
I am finally ready to be gone for this short five months, and then, who knows? Maybe I'm not fully prepared, but I am ready to rely on God and God alone.

"Pride is usually evident to everyone except the person who manifests it! It raises its ugly head in the forms of defensiveness, prayerlessness, comparison, and unteachability..."

..."One question you can ask yourself: “Am I an able follower?” You’ll never be a great leader until you learn how to be a great follower. For instance, if you don’t have someone discipling you, it’s probably because you don’t want someone discipling you! If so, decide now to turn in your “Loner for Christ” membership card, humble yourself before God, find someone who has been on God’s road for a while and start to follow and learn from him or her. You’ll be glad you did! "

Steve Shadrach (from an article i was reading today on Boundless.org)

"...or do you like the harder end of the gummi realm?"~Lacy to Corey last night at Krispy Kreme whilst talking about gummi candy

So...I had a dream that oranges were disappearing from the earth, that we would soon run out of them and no longer be able to have orange juice...and I didn't know that I could HANDLE that!!! I don't like eating oranges, but orange juice is one of my favorite drinks in the whole world!!!

Guess what doofy thing happened tonight!? Okay, so I have a class that everyone just calls "Tobo." "Tobo" is a fake Missouri town for which we, as a class, will plan and coordinate all recreation activities. We are beginning it tomorrow, but one of our first assignments was to turn in our resume and cover letter to apply for the Director's position. NO ONE wants this position. It means that you are in charge of everyone in Tobo, writing job descriptions, etc. But tonight, we had interviews with the city manager (of Springfield), another woman whose name I cannot recall, and one of my new teachers. They were to be interviewing three people that they picked from our cover letters and resumes to be the director of Tobo. So we were all supposed to dress up for this tonight and the interviews were to start at seven. I COMPLETELY misunderstood and thought that the three people who were going to be picked and interviewed (while the rest of us watched) would be told beforehand and dress up, while all of us watched. No. Wrong. Completely wrong. So I rush upstairs in the Student Union at 7 wearing my biking gear from mountain biking today, with mud still on my legs, and EVERYONE is dress up, wearing suits, because we HAVE NOT been informed as to who was to be interviewed. NO! We were going to find out at 7:15 and then begin interviewing in front of the class. I went and talked to my teacher beforehand and told him that I misunderstood, and he said if I was picked that I could go last and run home (wonderful Kaylan let me borrow his car! {Honda Civic, my favorite!}) and GUESS WHAT!!!!!!! I was actually picked!! What? What? Oh mi gosh!!! So I grabbed Kaylan's keys and rushed home and ironed my pants and shirt and took a half-shower and brushed my hair and drove back all in about 30 minutes, and interviewed last. What the heck. But...one of the other two people got picked. Yay. Relief. But what is the deal? I can't BELIEVE they picked me. I think about everyone was stunned at my stupidity. I don't blame them. Nope, not one bit.

Yeah, so the stupid SMS Casablanca editing system just froze and got rid of all my stuff I had finally gotten recorded and ready to finish editing, and so therefore my stupid "Installation and Maintenance of Irrigation Systems" video is STILL not done and STILL not getting done until tomorrow or Thursday. So I am skipping class and I am needing to go back home and study for a mid-term I have tomorrow, but I really don't feel like riding my bike all the way back home and then all the way back to school. Poop.

Logan and I had an...interesting camping trip. Nah, it stank. Hard core. People drummed djembes til 12 and blasted Pink Floyd from their truck's stereo and made everyone else feel like stupid outsiders. Not inviting at all. I don't really wanna explain everything, but it was stupid. We left the next morning and didn't participate. We figured,"Hey, we'll take our OWN trip some other time and be with people that actually want us there."

My beautiful sister called me as well and I feel bad cause I wasn't there for her. I'm sure she hates my guts now. OH! and I have a lovely 1300 dollar hospital bill. Yay. Yippee. More bills. So exciting! Talk about exciting!!!--school. I really do not like it right now. As a matter of fact, I would like to quit. It is too much. Or I could quit my job. That would make life a lot easier. Oh but wait!!! No, I have to pay bills. Rent. Phone. Food. Hospital. Plane ticket for internship. blah blah blah. I'm leaving to go study now. It's time for this complaining/sarcasm session to end.

It is WAY too beautiful outside now for me to keep doing this terrible sin of staying indoors most of the day. This weekend is gonna rock if I just get my crap done. Please pray for my motivation and ability to do homework. I have zero right now. And I wanna go to Moo's reception so bad, I just gotta! I am sad I will be missing the last retreat I could go to, but, hey, it's alright. Moo's movin' to Michigan, so I need to see her. Anyways, I get to go camping two weekends this month and hopefully at least once (brrr!) in November. Ah! yes. Fall. The BEST season every invented by God. I mean, all you gotta do is be outside in the Fall, maybe participate in a hayride or two, carve a pumpkin, pick up an ornate orange, yellow, or red leaf, and smell the crisp air to believe in God. Seriously! Personally, that's proof enough to me right there.

My sister is outta the hospital and doing so much better that she had the ability to say,"Aww! You poor thing!" about ME being in the hospital for only four hours.

Hey dudes! If you've been wondering where I've been, well, as stated in my last blog, I was in Chicago from last Thursday through Sunday. Then, Wednesday at 12:30 I got the pukes from the flu and ended up going into the hospital at 3 a.m. cause I was so dehydrated. I was released at 7:30 and diagnosed with the flu and prescribed some super duper (NOT) medication. So yesterday I slept all day and today I am feeling a lot better but very drowsy and achy. I am gonna try and make it to XA tonight but I don't know if I can. All I gotta say is that I am glad I don't have anything going on this weekend cause I have a billion million kajillion things to do for school, and I REALLY need to catch up. I missed an exam today, dang it. It's so beautiful outside and so I may sit out on the porch for a bit, but otherwise I am Mrs. Stupor. I love and miss you all, don't worry about me. I'm gettin' better. I hope to talk to you all soon and stuff. Till then! love ya!

I just got back from an amazing four days up in Chicago at Moo's wedding. Wow! It was sooooo fun. Chicago...I just love it so much. It's prally the only big city I would/could live in. It just has this...thing to it. I dunno. I just know that I love love love it there. Every time I go I am just like,"Ah!!" So anyways, last Wednesday night I drove up to Beaufort with Abby, one of Mandy's best friends. I had a lovely sleep in her old bedroom, and then the next morning we headed out at 6:50 am to catch Mandy, Cara, and Moo's dad at the gas station to drive to St. Louis. We drove up to the train station, and found that the train was delayed by two hours. So we got to visit Union Station and sit at Starbucks for a while. We went back and hung out, waiting for the train. Next up we had a 5-6 hour long train ride and arrived in Chicago at around 6 p.m. I got to eat lunch with Mandy on the train and listen to music and talk to Mandy about her decorations and stuff and read some homework and it was great. When we got to the train station we were heading out and Mandy heard some live music playing so we moved in that direction and watched a band of two guys play some great songs, including, "Last Dance with Mary Jane" and "Ticket to Ride." That was superb! The lead guy even played the harmonica with the Tom Petty song. We waited outside for Joel 's(Mandy's fiance {at the time!}) mom and sister and when we got in the car the first thing his mom said was, "Could you please take off your hat or wear it forward...I don't wanna get shot." Turns out my wearing my hat to the side is a gang sign. He he! I thought it might be but dismissed that thought as me being stupid. I will continue this later!

...so today was a boring, blah day. I finally got the dishes done; only ready through part of one chapter of one book for one class. Decided I was tired and needed a nap at about 5; and napped till 6:23. Dumb. Why did I need more sleep? I don't understand. And today was one of those perfect days, with the temperature and humidity and lighting just right, but I just stayed inside most of the day. I need to wash my stinky clothes. And take a shower. I'm not tellin' ya how long it's been.

He he! Lacy and I had a very fun night last Wednesday going grocery shopping at Food 4 Less. When we were walking out with our cart FULL of food, we went by a Coke and a Pepsi machine, and both left the cart and started creeping towards the machines to see if they contained Pepsi Vanilla or Vanilla Coke. Finally we turned around just in time to see the cart running away and almost hitting a car! Boy, did we feel stupid-especially Lacy. However, now she is blaming the ordeal on me. But at first she was like,"I'm such a dumb blonde! Argh!! I always do stupid things like that!" So then we spent an hour in Wal-Mart getting other stuff. Half of that time was spent looking for FIT vegetable/fruit wash, you know, the spray stuff? Yeah, didn't find it ANYWHERE. So finally we asked (yeah, we'd been acting like men who don't ask for directions) and found that it is a seasonal item. Oh! Okay... Jerks. Well, I guess we did ask about three Wal-Mart personnel, but they didn't have any clue. "I don't usually work in this department..." was the most typical response. So, we've got lots of food now and I'm so happy. I believe in good, high-quality food. I made myself some oatmeal this morning with soy milk, strawberries, almonds, and cinnamon and sugar. EW! you say...well, I say, "Yum."

"He would win in a marathon with midgets...who run all the time."~me

Welp, the weekend is over with and now it's back to school. I did not sleep well last night at all. I kept waking up thinking it was five till 6 am, which is when my alarm was set for. But no, it was actually 2:30, and 4:30a.m. respectively. I have a nice, clean apartment now! I am super excited about that. Alls I need to do is vacuum my room. Okay, I better quit blogging cause Jerod is headed this way and he thinks blogging is so stupid. Okay, all's clear now. I hid the blogging window from him. Anyways, I talked with Joy today about our small group. It's gonna be called "The Chain Gang." I"m excited about our shirts, I've already thought of some pretty cool designs. Hopefully it will fly this year because last year it just didn't work. I am still gonna try to get them made though. I'm in a weird mood. I feel sad and stuff. I don't fully understand it all. Well, that's all there is. If you are on here, good job. You blog regularly enough to qualify. :)

I've finally acquired a skateboard! Needs some new grip tape and wheels, but yeah! I'm happy; I've wanted one since 8th grade man.

"...free stupid pens and fake calendars..."~Garon

Wow! I actually have some time to blog! I came to the computer lab before Chi Alpha to work on this assignment that I just looked up and is due next Friday. Yay! So I decided to procrastinate and write on my blog. Today was a cool day; I actually got some stuff done!! I got many things done at Rountree this morning, took a nap, a shower, and then went to class. Had a dumb class as usual with a certain teacher who's just confusing, and then a fun Marketing class (oxymoron? I think so) cause my teacher is so hilariously dry. After that I was gonna ride to the Y to take some stuff over and mebbe pick up the food, and who did I run into but Curtis? He and I talked for a while, and I guess he was lookin' at my bike cause he noticed that the break was messed up. He whips out a tool he has handy and tries to fix it, but then decides he needs to go to his car to get the correct tool and will I come? So I said yeah and we went over and talked about Radiohead and he tried but couldn't get it fixed. So then he offers to take me downtown to the Y, and then after that, I guess he was headed for Dairy Queen so he offers me a Blizzard cause he's got a "buy one get one free" thing, to which I gladly obliged. Then he took me home and we talked more about music and he tells me that he found out about this awesome artist, Denison Witmer. And I'm like, "Man! Yeah! I love Denison!"

Sweet.

Man oh man! What a crazy week. I doubt anyone reads this anymore but my dad. It has been insane the last week. I will write more later cause I gotta go to class, but here's a funny quote:
"And you know why? Cause you're a punk, and you don't like how these shorts look on me!"~Masa to Wayne last night

I just read an awesome article on boundless.org called, "Pulling a Ruth" by Candice Z. Watters. Girls (single ones) you may wanna read this. Anyways, I am cleaning things up in my new apartment and lovin' it here. It's super cute. I also got the internship at Mammoth Lakes (YES!) and a director's position with Prime Time at the Y. I have leadership retreat tonight and that will be awesome as well. I still need a ride though, dang it! No food in the house yet, and like, all of my clothes are dirty. Well, I know this is short, but I've gotta go, and make some calls to the family. Love ya'll!

"It's time to wake up,
and separate feelings
that I keep falling into...
Am I alone in here?" ~ Chevelle

Mel's wedding was quite the celebration. I had a great time.

"Kay, never gonna use the onion fluid again..."~Dana at a Mongolian BBQ

"Yeah, he brought in wombats!...I'm like,"C.S. Lewis doesn't have wombats in the Chronicles of Narnia."~MOo about Joel, who reads them to her as a bedtime story

Woohoo I'm back, and 'the times, they are a changin'.' Everything is. It's hard to deal with. I miss my dad and my family in general, as well as Glen and Paula. I'm gonna be gone in just a few months, and then graduate, and then mebbe move out of Springfield forever...it's strange to think about. I am ready to be made ready to leave this community I have here, that has shaped and morphed into something I didn't expect. Disappointments and hurt surround me, but that's all part of a group anyways, isn't it? I'm not saying the community is bad; nope, it's in fact, so darn good that I am scared for myself when I have to leave it and find a new one! Alas, the more time that goes by, the more I realize how little I know. All I can say I know is Love. I know when it exists, I know that it is real. It is the only thing that is...well, I cannot describe it's hardness and reality because we confuse real love with fleeting feelings so much it may just end up being confusing.

Two of my bestest friends in the world are getting married these next coupla months. Mel is on Saturday. Man, is it going to be a joyous, wonderful day. I don't know what I am doing (I'm the maid of honor) but Mel is quite forgiving of that.

I've decided to make a happy songs cd. A few selections: "Top of the World" (I don't know the exact name of it) by Juliana Theory on Emotion is Dead, #10 on Jimmy's Bleed American, "Clocks," by Coldplay, and many others. They have to have this special vibe that makes me wanna spin and spin around and just dance around like a goofball and get a rush of joy in my heart and make me think of special people in my life and being with them. Still compiling the list so if you have any suggestions, lemme know. (Nobody will prally but hey, that's okay!)

One last word...seek God and you shall find Him. Seek to do His will. Understand the reasons why you believe, and stand firm. Build a solid foundation. Seek His love and accept it and stop letting yourself and the enemy tear you down, or you will fall. This world is a battleground and we need to wake up and see that. Matthew 25

Hey dudes! I'm back in Reno and will be here till next Sunday, when I take the train to KC and get to hang out with Wayne and Dana--how cool is that? Yesterday my dad and I went to Lake Tahoe and went swimming! Ooh! it was chilly, like, one foot under the surface, but it was nice to swim around in for a while. We went to an area with a bunch of boulders. The water was so clear it was scary! I wore my goggles and I could see everything! Then we came home and made some shish-kabobs, if that's how you would spell it, and watched the first half of Vanilla Sky. I have heard people say good and bad stuff about it. Well, I finished watching it this afternoon, and it was a great movie but awful, if that makes sense. Like, the movie was in and of itself, a really good movie. But the story was awful in the sense of "man, that is so sad and awful and wrong what happened." It was a good story but not good. I need to get packing; I'm helping my dad move into a new apartment this week, so....see ya'll! next week.

Hey! Today is officially my last day in California. I wasted most of it playing Halo on X-Box, but finally have gotten to stop. Last night, Paula had a girl's night for her XA girls and we baked potatoes and made a chocolate cake for the occasion. I usually don't like cake, but man! this is good!!
So we all ate and then went swimming and sat around in the hot tub for a couple of hours, and then we watched Kate and Leopold. I didn't know how I'd like it, but it was wonderful! I really enjoyed the movie. So anyways, I may take a bike ride today and schtuff. Otherwise I will simply read and mebbe play more X-Box; Glen got a new game.
I am going to take a train back to Missouri; how crazy is that? I think it will purty sweet. I was wanting to visit my little sissy and see her house in Evansville, but...no go. Oh well. I am therefore planning on going to her place for Thanksgiving this year. I have a million friends who are getting married. My friend Jill just got engaged, and I think another one of my friends did, but I'm not sure yet. He he. I read Logan's blog today and it looks like she got to see Meg--that's so great!!! I can't wait to see you both!!! I really can't wait to see everybody. Hey! If you guys want me to try and email you a picture slideshow of my sister's wedding, let me know! I am not for sure how to do it but I will try. Also, please pray for my back~it's been outta whack for over a week now and I have to help my dad move out and move into an upstairs apartment from an upstairs apartment, and this has significant back-hurting potential. I lay awake at night waiting for it to stop aching until I fall asleep--not cool. Well, this is a boring day and therefore a boring blog. See ya'll in a couple of weeks!

Uh hey guys. I had a really non-productive day yesterday...I took a bike ride at least! I went to get a postcard stamp and drop off Tuck Everlasting (which turned out to be pretty good!). I saw all these crazy-nice posh houses on the way. Housing costs here are insane! Most are in the $250,000-$1,000,000 range. Yeah, still thinkin' about movin' to California folks? He he. I really enjoy reading people's blogs, and when they don't blog (okay, I am having a significant dizzy spell...) ugh............OK, better. I get sad when they don't cause I wanna know what's goin' on. I think I have become a blog junkie this summer. Being away from everyone is what has done it. So when I got back from my ride, I asked Glen if I could play some Halo on the X-Box, even though I don't usually enjoy playing it because I am completely disoriented and I don't like first-person-through-the-eyes games. Well...I started the Campaign game, and although it is the kind of first person game where it's YOU looking through the eyes of the guy, I went for it. In the beginning you are like this super Army soldier guy in a cryo-lab and they are waking you up and checking your vitals and stuff. So through that process they teach you how to use the controller....come to find out my whole problem with that stupid game has been that the "look up/look down" function has been INVERTED every time I've played. So when I press up--to look up in my mind--it would have me look down. So when things got tough, I would panic and not be able to look at or shoot anything. So I fixed that yesterday and ended up playing the game A LOT, shooting aliens. It was fun...kinda twisted isn't it? So my dreams last night were all Matrix-y, and I was in the Matrix and the weird thing was, this same scene happened every day, but we kept trying to perfect our strategy of getting this object in a duffel bag (I don't know what it was) out of the Matrix. OK, I have no idea what that was all about, but I liked especially the sniper bit in the game. I just like the idea of sneakin' around and bein' able to see the enemy but them not see you, and zooming in and out and getting them clean and quiet. It's soooo fun! I think that's why I like paintball so much, but then I always find out how out of shape I am and how I could never do what they do on the movies like Mission Impossible and Last of the Mohicans and Austin Powers...ok, obviously that last one was a joke. Hehe. I'm in a weird mood, can you tell? So today I am going to try to be productive. Not beginning the day very well though, huh? It's like I have this chronic need for communication with the Springfield world. Don't you just wanna be like,"uh, Nic, let go, okay." I think it's cause I am kinda bored. Not much to do. I'm so mad that these two places I applied at for a job called me when I have like, a week left. I got a call last night, and I had to tell him I'd only be here a little longer, and he said that if I wanted to work there next summer, I should call them back. Hey, that's cool. But I'm gonna try to get a real JOB when I graduate!!! Ha, who knows how long it will take for THAT to happen, huh? Anyways, I'm sure that during my internship next Spring I will be blogging significantly less even though I'm gone because, hey, I'll be busy, havin' fun, not stuck inside cause it's too freakin' hot to be hangin' out outside. Even hot here isn't bad at all compared to Spfd though, I'm just a wimp in the heat. I hate it. I feel like the sun is attacking me if I'm outside any time between 11am and 4:30 pm. Is that weird? If I don't have sunscreen on I'm like,"AAAHHHH!!! The sun is going to BOIL MY SKIN!! I'm melting, MELTING!!!" Yup, that's how I feel. Spfd will therefore be extremely unpleasant when I get back for the best month EVER!~August. Ick. Can't wait. It's gonna be sick. Will someone please take me to the lake or their pool, like, everyday? OK, at least 10 times though?

I'm also growing concerned about money...I'm gonna need a lot of it starting school, and I don't know where it's gonna come from. I need to put a down payment on an apt, pay credit card bills, buy books, pay for school, pay other bills, pay utilities, pay for XA leadership stuff and needed t-shirt, buy food for my apt, etc. And right now I have, uh, let's see...OH! yes... .65 in my checking account. .65 cents. Yeah. I haven't been like, spending away either, just payin' bills and buying some food. Oh well. I need to pray about it but I almost forget anymore cause I know God will provide. He always does. Even when I'm homeless (huh Wayne?) He does. It's kinda cool. Actually, it's the coolest. Ok I need to stop rambling and be productive like I said I was gonna do....Moo, get online tonight! I haven't seen ya there for a few days. Mel, write me back, you goon, I need to know if the date's ok or not. The rest of ya!!--have a productive day!!! OH yeah! one more thing...go to the Asylumscotland link I've got there on the side and check out the photos...there's this cool one of me in Skye on this hill lookin' off into the distance and it makes me happy...okay, see ya.

"It's like a test-tube baby, and Hagar's the test-tube!!"~Glen last night during our XA Bible study

BWWAaaaaah!!! I miss you guys. There are two crabs, one alive, and one who is acting like he is dead, in the bath tub. He he. I miss you guys!!! Lovely Springfieldians and those of you who inhabit Springfield during the school year...:( And those of you who inhabit other regions like, St. Louis and like, Buefort, and places like that. I can't wait to see you all and stuff. I have many plans for the new year, including doing a triathlon, a 5k, backpacking with some fools, camping with some other fools, and getting in shape in preparation for my internship, which, for the record, is ALMOST in the bag.

Welp, the other crab woke up and is hangin' out with his friend, and I get to eat him tonight. I feel kinda bad for it, cause we're gonna boil him alive. That's not pretty. Makes me understand why some vegans are vegans. But it will taste good! I feel like I just made a very Andy Phelps-like comment. He he. Oh well.

Have you guys heard about that guy that just drove through the farmer's market in Santa Monica and killed 9 people? It got me to thinkin,"Life is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fragile." I mean, anything weird like that could happen and just steal my life away. Our life could be taken away at any moment. ANY moment. I went to a seminar this morning, a live broadcast actually, with speaker Mark Mittleberg on CCN, talking about reaching people in the secular landscape. I've been reading a book about campus ministry, and have watched part of a series called,"The Making of a Mentor" by Alica Chole. All of this is getting me so pumped up about coming back to school. I mean, the Great Commission really freakin' scares the crap out of me. It's a scary job. I read something that said something like,"When people become Christians, they don't always realize that they are actually moving out to the front lines, becoming a primary target in this war we're waging." As leaders in ministry, we are prime targets!!! We are going to be attacked more than a complacent Christian, because we are dangerous soldiers on God's side. We can mess things up. All I can think is that I know I will make mistakes, I know I will be persecuted and shot down and jabbed at and made fun of for being all out for Jesus. But if I don't believe that God can work through that than my God is too small. If I don't stand in the face of all that shooting that is BOUND to happen, I don't believe in my heart, in His power. So my prayer this summer is that I will believe in it enough to be made uncomfortable. Enough to know that when I actually speak the Gospel instead of just saying (like I ALWAYS do) that my way of witnessing is by my life example, that I may be pummeled but it doesn't mean that I or God have failed. And He is made strong in my weakness. In the past, I have been too scared to simply SPEAK. I make great friends with non-Christians, we talk about God, but I never INVITE them to know Him themselves verbally, and the truth is that they may never have been asked that question. A question like,"If you could know God personally, would you want to?" or something like that. This is very frightening to me. I pray that I will not turn people off. I was on that side before. I have been burned by Christians. Lemme tell you. I still have reservations and cynicism towards the church. Because of this, I have been too scared to say anything about these friend's relationships with God. When I have, I feel that I have driven them away, although that may not be the case. But I have given up. I never want anyone to be a "project." There are people I care about deeply, so deeply that I don't ever want to tread upon their beliefs~dang it!! I need to start believing in the truth of what I am saying!! If I have been living a different life, when I speak Jesus' name in regard to it, even if they turn me down and turn away, I will have said whom it is I put my trust in. Hopefully they will look at our friendship and see that I have not been trying to force my 'religion' down their throat. I'm trying to give them hope. I want them to go to Heaven. So bad that I am willing to risk saying something uncomfortable. To utter Jesus' name~*gasp!!* Is it supposed to be that bad? But if God can forgive Peter, call him His rock, then though I have failed in the past, I pray that I can become what Peter did. That I can trust in the Holy Spirit's power and NOT ON MY OWN. That's what I'm realizing this summer. He does it. He can work wonders through me. It's not up to me! It's not up to my own strength!!! I am weak!!...but HE is strong. HE is STRONG!!! God, help me believe that!!! Help me love the way you do! Help me live the way You ask me to. Help me believe in my small but penetrating circle of influence and not think that I am a failure if I don't have 30 super-close friendships. Help me Jesus, help me.

Hellooooo....I went to this rad place called IKEA today. It's like this modern-like furniture home store, and it made me wish I was settling down somewhere in my own little pad or something, or that we had an IKEA really close to Springfield so that me and Lacy can furnish our place real nice. I miss you girl! I hope you had a great birthday (I obviously forgot ) and I hope things get better, please don't move back to Guam!!! (he he) There was this SA-WEET 'loft-bed,' which is actually like a bunk bed without the bottom bunk and tons of space under there instead.
I got online and there was some thing about how the new 'summer it-thing-to-do' is to be a single celeb!! I just thought to myself,"How lame!" while reading about all the newly or recently single (many divorced) people and how ET was referring to it as the 'hip' thing to do. Dumb. Just plain dumb. Do people ever stay married nowadays? Seems like they don't.
Anyways, so yeah, that store made me think about how I wanna get a little run-down apartment or house and fix it up real nice, and have my sweet little pad, real close to a campus (since I will prally do campus ministry, although I don't know if I will be full-time or not) in Scotland or wherever God wants me, with my own doggie, and schtuff. But this won't happen for, mmm, several years, I'm thinkin', so Oh well. I need to go running today but there's only like mebbe one hour of day light left and I am really tired. I don't want my exercise program to lose it's juice already? Okay, I guess it won't. I've been doin' really good. Mebbe I will still go tonight though. EEERch!!! I dunno! I really miss everyone. :( I need some direction.

"I'm the captain of the gravy train...all aboard!!!"~Homsar

Hey guys! Have you checked out the new Homestarrunner character introduction thingie? If not, you should! I was rollin' around with laughter. Especially at the hidden homsar one and The Cheat. Oh yeah! Scroll buttons scroll ? like a heart attack! Anyways...I did an interval workout today running to the Matrix soundtrack. I prally looked like I was trying to kill myself, but I wasn't. I got my heart rate up to 187 though, which is pretty hard to do! The music just makes me wanna be Trinity. I don't know why! It makes me wanna run like 80 miles an hour with a really determined look on my face and a shiny leather outfit on. I also watched the extended DVD of The Fellowship of the Ring, and teared up more than once this time. It's just sooooo good!! I can't wait for The Two Towers extended DVD to come out, let alone The Return of the King! They (whoever they are, I don't really know--simply referring to the people filming the movie) are gonna make the Chronicles of Narnia into big films LOTR style I hear--sweet! huh? And I also hear that the movie "The Passion" about Jesus' last 12 hours here directed by Mel Gibson is comin' out next Easter!!! OOOoooh. Neato. Anyways...I'm almost ready to come back home. I'm ready to see my dad first of course, then go home. I might get to see my sister and visit her home!! I am gonna take the Amtrak from Reno to Chicago (mebbe Chicago) and perhaps meet her there. I've never really been on that kind of train before. I mean, like, in my known memory. I mean, like, I took the train to San Fran with Paula on Thursday...and I took the train from Gatwick to London last year...and I apparently as a baby took the train from my birthplace, Lompoc, CA to Iowa when I was around 1 and a half...otherwise, I haven't!! At least, not a cross-country trip!!! I think it will be cool and I won't have any plane jitters. That will be good. Okay, well, I'm prally gonna go use the jacuzzi or hot tub or whatever you call it, see if Paula wants to go....that's all for now!!!

"Aaron have you ever had a feeling in your chest
that made you just want be free?"
it was a warm afternoon when she asked him this
as they sat on the shore by the sea.
Aaron just tugged at his hair and he took
a very long time to reply;
and by the time that he spoke, she'd forgotten she'd asked
it was lost in the clouds in the sky

He said, "Kelly I don't think I've ever wanted as much
to be free as I long to be known,
and of the things that I hate when I look at my life
the worst is my being alone."

Of all the things known that he could've spoken that day
he chose one from deep down inside
Without intending her to, he caused her to confess
her false confidence and how she had lied

She said,"Aaron I don't think I've ever wanted as much
to be free as I long to be known,
and of the things that I hate when I look at my life
the worst is my being alone."

And as they headed home neither of them could speak a word
And they held their own spirits to blame
But at the pulse of the wave they both turned around...
thinking someone was calling their name...

Oh someone was calling their name...

~The Worst is My Being Alone by Waterdeep

Hey guys! I forgot; I read this passage from the book "The Fuel and the Flame Ten Keys to Ignite Your College Campus for Jesus Christ by Steve Shadrach yesterday and it was pivotal for me, and I wanted to share it.

"Pride: We're Always the Last to Know
The marks of pride are usually evident to everyone--except ourselves! It raises its ugly head in the forms of defensiveness, prayerlessness, comparison, and unteachability. We need to ask ourselves this question: Can I follow well? Most Christians are part of the 'Loners for Christ' club and are against leadership unless, of course, they can be the leader! You might say, 'Oh, I really don't need any spiritual leadership over me. I"m being discipled by God.' Really? The reason Jesus was the greatest leader of all time was because He was the greatest follower of all time and 'only did the things He saw and heard from the Father.' If the Son of God felt the need to humble Himself to spiritual authority, how much more should we?
You'll never become a great leader until you learn how to be a great follower, and if you don't have someone discipling you, it's probably because you don't want anyone discipling you! If that's true of you, why don't you stop right now, turn to the Lord, and let HIm search your heart for any pride or independence. Pray about which individual you could go to and ask them to encourage, disciple, and yes, even rebuke you when necessary. Become a humble, teachable disciplee and God will honor you someday with young disciples who will seek you out in the same way. Rarely have I met anyone who was discipling others who hadn't themselves first been discipled."

Great passage huh? I put it up there because my life has been transformed by discipleship, by becoming a follower first, by becoming a servant first. By realizing that others have things to teach me about God and myself. If it weren't for the many people who have discipled me, I wouldn't be gung-ho about Jesus, I would just be mediocre. Lukewarm....the yuckiest thing to be, in my opinion. Sooo....go out there and get yourself a mentor or disciple-guy (whatever you wanna call it) okay? We need to be humble, teachable servants for this upcoming year. Pray up! I love you all.

Hey all! Wassup? Yesterday Paula and I went to San Francisco for an adventurous day! It was so fun! We got up at 8 and walked to the Marguerite, Stanford's free shuttle, and too that over to the CalTrain Station, which takes one to and from destinations all along the west side of the San Francisco Bay. We got our tickets and rode for about an hour. When we got to the station in San Fran, we decided to walk a couple blocks to try and find the bus that would take us to Union Square. Well, we ended up walking the whole way there, which was about one and a half to two miles. The diversity was already extremely apparent by the time we got to the square. We were gonna meet Paula's college roommate, Rachel, at the square, but she wasn't there yet so we waited for a call from her and looked around for a place to eat lunch. We stopped in the Westin hotel and talked to the concierge. At first we came upon this lady and asked if she was the concierge, and she was like,"NO!!! I'm not, but I can help you find what you're looking for, and if I can't find it, I will direct you to her!!!" with a huge, enormous smile on her face. As she was taking us over to the concierge desk, she was like,"So! How are you guys enjoying your stay?" and Paula goes, (since we weren't staying there) "We are really enjoying our trip to San Francisco." "OH!!! Well, there it is, right over there! Enjoy the rest of your st--time here!!!" he he. We were looking for this restaurant that Abby told me about. Didn't find it. So the lady directed us to some really ritzy places, and we didn't end up eating there. We met up with Rachel and went to this place called Cafe Mason. It was superb! After that, we said bye to Rachel and went window-shopping at this huge Levi's store and then Niketown (heaven for me!) Then we went to a Birkenstock store and then we got on the old school trolley to go to Fisherman's Wharf. We wandered around for a bit, stopping to look at the sea lions, (who were soooo cute and silly) and then look at Alcatraz. We walked through the middle part of the pier, looking at cheesy San Fran memorabilia, marveling at huge fruit produce at the farmer's market, and even getting a strawberry and Ghirardelli chocolate-filled crepe, which was spectacular! That crepe goes down in history as one of my favorite desserts I've ever eaten! Then we walked along the boardwalk and watched a street performer get himself out of a bunch of chains. We walked to the bus stop to get back to the CalTrain station and people watched and stuff. It was great! We were really tired and walked around a ton, and so my upper calves (?) are really sore. We got back in time to get some pizza from Pizza My Heart and go to the Stanford theatre, which plays old movies, and watch the old "The Time Machine." It was pretty good and funny. I had a long but fun, superb day! Thanks Paula. Well, now it is Saturday, so yesterday (Fri) I got to see the Golden Gate bridge and drive over it when Paula took our friend Elizabeth to a job interview. We looked at the marina and got some smoothies (yum!) while we waited for her, and when she came back, she showed us the Army Corps of Engineers' (where the interview was) Bay Model, a huge model of the entire San Francisco Bay Area used to measure the effects of currents and all sorts of other stuff. It was pretty darn cool. Then we just drove home and had a lazy day. We watched "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" and "Sweet Home Alabama" which we both good. I got to talk to Logan, yay!!! That rocked! I also got a letter from Wayne and several other little notes from people yesterday, and that was way cool, made me super happy, made my day! Thanks guys! I don't know what I am going to do today. I know I need to go running cause I didn't yesterday. Prally clean up the house a bit. Mebbe go swimming. Do I sound like a slacker to anybody? I wish I could have gotten a job! Oh well. This summer rockes anyways. Okay, gonna go!

"No!...Oh...oh, it's not cephilopods..."~Nathaniel during TriBond, trying to figure out the connection between snail, octopus, and mussel. (Mollusks)

Hey, I figured out (well, no, actually, Glen showed me) how to put pictures on here, so as soon as I get a hold of a scanner, you can all see my pics! Yay!!! But prally not until August, when my own 'puter is all set up and rarin' to go. That is why I was silly and put that pic of Moo and Joel, cause yesterday I couldn't help thinking about how they got together, at Cornerstone two years ago, while we were watching the fireworks and I turned around and there's Joel with his arm around Mandy, and her head on his shoulder. I turned quickly around and was in shock!!! He he. Now looky, they're gettin' married!
I finished the Lord of the Rings the second time today, and cried even more than I did the first time when I finished. I actually have the thorough interest to read the appendixes this time, which I still have left to do. You know what? I waxed my right lower calf area, the first time, this last Monday, and I just Nair'ed the other. Well, I don't recommend waxing yourself, as I missed a lot of spots, but man! it works nice! My right leg is still nice and for the most part, pretty smooth, whereas the other is growing stubble already. It was worth it! Unfortunately, it took forever and was insanely messy. I may get it done professionally before the summer is out and if I have the money, on both legs this time. :)
Last night Glen and Paula and I went to the bay to watch fireworks, and man, was it a good show! Very nice but quite chilly! Afterwards as I looked at the moon, I found myself dearly missing Mandy Moo, Lacy, and Mel. Then I started missin everyone! I thought of my bro because the song "Girls" by the Beastie Boys came on, which he always sings, and then after that I thought of my dad, cause some silly dance mix song came on and I thought of our road trip across half of America, when going through Alberquerque we listened and danced around to dance mixes the entire way through that city, around midnight. It was so fun! I thought of last year when Lacy and I drove down to Disney World for a day, and then I thought about how we were fighting after seeing the fireworks at the Montmorency Falls in Canada, trying to figure out how to get to the right bus to get home. He he. It's funny now, but man! was I a butthead that night...
While we were watching the fireworks I saw all of these couples, and Glen and Paula themselves were bein' silly with each other, and I was actually content, knowing that Jesus is my companion and will always be, and I felt His presence with me. It is really cool to be satisfied and not like anyone, and not worry about it anymore. On the way home I had some memories of this short lived "I like you-you like me" thing I had goin' on with this guy, Troy, when I was at Disney, but then I thought,"OK, this is dumb!" and stopped thinkin' about it. It's really awesome to have my heart really being changed about this all. And besides, Mandy has my plans concerning that set up already, right MOo?! (ha ha!)
Well, guys, I send you all my love! Write me sometime! Small group girls, I want to get you those shirts, but me and Andrew haven't been able to get in touch with each other yet, and he has the design on his computer! So whenever that happens, hopefully soon, I will start the process goin! Anyways, ta ta for now!

"A Elbereth Gilthoniel!"~from LOTR, the cry of Frodo and Samwise many a time during times of peril

Okay, by the way, I bought "Hail to the Thief" by Radiohead a couple of weeks ago, and it is freakin' awesome. I had a dream last night that I was gonna by "Sea Change" by Beck but I didn't have enough money, technically, so I was hodling the cd in my hands, wondering if I should spend my money on a cd even though I know I shouldn't. Quite interesting, actually. Anyways, see ya!

hey I wanna put a picture up here, so here's a pic at mandy's site!

Okay, woah! I just read a friend's blog who said he got arrested (highly unlikely) for being intoxicated (even more extremely unlikely). So friend, you know who you are, email me the story, if ya want. Anyways, I have been in Palo Alto CA for three days now, starting out the fourth. I went camping this last weekend, lemme tell ya bout that first...it rocked!!! We headed out late Friday afternoon, just me and my dad and my grandmas pet poodle Molly B, who is a big (well, actually, a little dog, but a big-) wussy. We got to the campsite after getting a bit lost, and set up our tent and tied Molly to a tree. My dad's friends were already there and we ate some fantastic camping fajitas. I took Molly to go to the bathroom down at the river, and she was majorly freaked by it. I'm like,"Dude, it's a lovey river, fresh water, what's your problem?" My dad and I rode our bikes in the dark (yes, my dad got himself a bike, so that I 'will like him better' as he said) with headlamps on. That was fun but we didn't get far. Then a big deer tripped over one of our friends' tents and he sounded like a bear and grunted and stuff. The landscape was amazing; we were in a big valley, and next to the shoulders of the Sierra Nevada mountain range, and could see some big crags with snow on 'em in the distance. Our site was by lots of desert-y sagebrush and big nice pine trees next to a river, which you could hear streaming by at night. Saturday, we ate breakfast and got our stuff to head down to Mammoth Lakes and Mammoth Mountain, where I may do my internship. What amazing scenery!!! Wow!!! You've gotta see it to believe it. We got to this cute little mountain town and went to the bathroom, then drove up the mountain to the resort. I went up to the personnel floor and didn't get to talk to anyone since it was Sat, but they gave me the name of the guy I needed to talk to. That day was there opening day for their mountain biking park, so there were mountain biker dudes and chicks everywhere. It was awesome!! After an expensive lunch there, we drove to right outside Yosemite National Park. Wow.....wow. My dad drove that pass, the Tioga Pass, I think, in 1973 or somethin like that. It was beautiful. I need to figger out how to put pics on here so I can show ya'll. After that we looked at Mono lake, this big, weird but pretty salt lake. We read about the bird migrations and stuff, and then we were drivin home while my dad yelled at himself for missing the turn-off for this ghost-town, Bodie. But he hadn't missed it! We drove by a sign that said,"Bodie turn-off, 7 miles" or somethin, so my dad and I looked at each other and laughed and turned off there. It was so cool. I ran out of pics, though, so I got some postcards. We looked at these old houses that were just left like so. It was an old mining town, and pretty popular for having a bunch of bad people! We drove back to the site and rode our bikes to the Twin Lakes real close, and watched a trout hangin' out in the water while we sat next to the lake and just listened and appreciated. During the stops by Yosemite, my dad admitted that all of this couldn't have simply sprung out of a Big Bang, out of nothingness. He's thinkin' different about God, that much I know. Please pray for his understanding to be shaped and formed by God Himself. :) My dad is awesome, and I love him. We had a good dinner, and then all of us were talking about satellites and stuff in the stars, then they started contemplatin' the theory of relativity, which was really funny to hear from an old, tipsy, Cheech Marin-sounding guy. "Yeah, he said you could bend time and then move from that point in time that way...I don't get it man..." He he. Sunday morning my dad drove me to Cali, and we drove through even more beautiful (to me) territory, through the mountains, covered in huge pine trees and waterfalls and boulders and rivers and snow. But unfortunately, California has a big valley in the middle, which is utterly boring and drab. But here on the coast it gets lovely again. I even got to see those wind electricity fan things on these weird golden hills; I felt like I was on another planet!!!
Yesterday I went to Santa Cruz with Glen and Paula and their friend Andrew, and we walked the boardwalk and went downtown and ate some nice seafood. That was cool. I saw an ocean swimmer and was reminded of how out of shape swimmin wise I am. There were a bunch of surfers waitin for the tide. Sa-weet!!! I went lookin for a job a couple of days ago and it is so biker friendly here I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I think I'm gonna go biking for my work out today. Paula gave me a mini-tour of the Stanford campus on Monday, and it is really cool. Okay, this is really long. Email me people! I miss you. :)

Hey everyone! I am leavin' Reno today to go camping and then move in for about a month with Glen and Paula. So my new mailing address will be c/o Glen and Paula Davis, and if you go to their linked website on the left, www.glenandpaula.com, you will be able to find their address and stuff if you scroll down a bit on the right. My dad and I are camping with some of his friends at a place called Paha, really close to Yosemite. Then on Saturday we are going to make our way to Mammoth Lakes Ski Resort and I may get to talk to some folks up there about an internship, which is looking quite promising! I am so excited about the way things are working out~I really wanted to do an internship in Scotland, and I am still looking, but I think that maybe God wants that for later in my life, and I am surprisingly okay with that. I would much rather be in that lovely land for a year rather than just 3 or 4 months! I have to re-write my resume though, cause I didn't bring mine! This task sucks. It took all I had in me last night to go to the computer and start it. Now I can't remember how many hours I've taken at SMS so I need to go to the site and see. Dumb, huh? I had a weird dream last night. Everyone was in it from my family, and Mandy was in there somewhere, and Phil, you called me on the phone, and I was paying absolutely no attention to anything you were saying. My ex-boyfriend (blech!) Stephen was in my dream too~weird. Eww! Anyways, I miss everyone. Andrew, if you read this, please email me your address and if you can, send that cd with the t-shirt design stuff on it! :) Okay, I'm a gonna finish my resume, people. I love you guys.
"His character is so hot!!!"~me talking about Aragorn, son of Arathorn (he he) in LOTR

Woah! Bloggin two days in a row, can you believe it! I just wanna say I'm sorry to those of you I have failed lately,either with talkin on the phone, writing emails, or letters, or talking online. Moo, I WILL be online tonight at 7 pm YOUR time. You were in my dream last night with Jilly! We were goin' to Starbucks but I had no money and neither did you! Meg, I am gonna write you some snail mail and I will be available Wednesday evening, but I don't know for how long. I can call you though, cause my Pa (he he) has free long distance at night. What time is good? Dana, I am sorry I sucked on Sat. night talkin~ I was a bit distracted. :) Logan, I am a freakin' jerk for not writing you yet or anything, an email is in due course. Now, let's see, I'm gonna say hi and stuff to everyone I can think of! KP, I had a great talk with ya yesterday, and I miss you. Andrew, I miss you LOADS and I am praying for you. Wayne, you're awesome. Peter, you make me so happy! Dave and Amasa, my soul brothers, I miss you! Charity, I will call you soon. Sarah, or Si-Eh-Ra, Herman, that is, I miss you loads and can't wait to smooch you again! Just kiddin. You know what I mean. :) Jilly, if you're reading this, I miss you and love you and cannot wait to see you! Mel and Lacy, I love you both soooo much and we're gonna hang out tons when I get back! Arin GilBERT, how ya doin,' fool? Jerod, I am praying for you, you alright? I know you don't read this but oh well...Andy, 'sup? I hope you're doing great! Philip-eee, how you and your grrrl doin? Better yet, how YOU doin? I miss you. Andy Eaton, you're in my prayers and I love you man! Alyssa, you are sa-weet and I miss you girl. Karissa, you were in my dream last night too, and I miss you, I'm a gonna call you here soon. Laura E, I hope you aren't dying of heat in Texas, man. Jen K, you make me smile and I love you! Gentri, Lisa, and Elizabeth, I don't know if you read this, but I am gonna write you guys some snail mail soon. I really love you guys and miss you loads. Eric A, you rock my face off! I miss you. Curtis, I miss hugging your skinniness, and I love you man. Micah, I am so happy for you and I wanna hear from you soon. Long story short, I miss everyone, man! I feel your prayers hard core and I am praying for you all too. Anyone I missed, just blame my stupidity and forgetfulness. I love you guys!!!!

Isn't it sooooo dumb how we try to be cool, and stuff? I would say something like,"Well, I've realized this and I am THROUGH with trying to be cool," but that would be a stupid lie, cause I will prally be doing that nonsense the rest of my life. I hope it will lessen as time goes by though. I have a bunch to do today and haven't done anything except eat breakfast, go to the bathroom, read the Lord of the Rings (I'm re-reading it and it is as good the second time!) and talk to ppl online. I think this has something to do with it is raining unexpectedly. That's good cause we need it, but the funny thing is I was talking to my dad about thunderstorms last night, about how if I ever live in Scotland I will miss the thunderstorms in Missouri, and do they ever get thunderstorms here (in Reno)? "No," he said. Well, the lights all went out and I got kicked off by... a thunderstorm. Marilyn in Scotland told me they get thunderstorms like, once a year.
My dad and I watched a movie called,"Winged Migration," with cool music and birds migrating, at the theater last night. It was cool, and it made me miss my friend Kaylan, one of the few ppl I know that actually cares about wildlife and animals like I do (well, besides Moo, of course). He's an awesome kid, and pray for him. :) I really miss him. He's doing an internship in North Carolina this summer. Speaking of internships....
Things about Scotland are not turning out the way I thought, but it is seeming (as usual) that God's timing is best and His plans are not always 100% clear to me. I don't know yet at all, but I think that an internship there would be a lot less likely than something for a year or more, further down the road. And I'm okay with that. I knew He was speaking to me about Scotland, but I don't know it all yet. So, my conclusion is this...I don't know. I may end up doing my internship at Mammoth Lakes, California (which would be freakin' sweet!!!) and go to Scotland later...but I don't know, like I said. God, I praise you that I DON'T KNOW!!!
I guess I better do SOMETHING productive. My body is tired from exercising. I even had a day of rest yesterday, but nope, not enough for my lazy legs. I think I will go look at the mountains through a veil of rain now. I love you guys!!!

Hi dudes. I arrived in beautiful Reno, Nevada, yesterday with my dad. It is quite good weather here, cause even though it is like, in the 90's, it feels like the 80's do in Springfield. My little sister got married and is now Daniella Kay Rodgers. The wedding was on Saturday in Houston, Texas, and it was absolutely beautiful. We all had a blast at the reception, which went on from around 3:30 to midnight! We all danced, I sang a Shania Twain song and played the guitar for them, and we all had an all around good time. My mom made Mexican food, her specialty, and boy was it good. The cake was superb, too, cause I usually don't like cake, but it was this delicious strawberry with like, whipped cream frosting on it. My sister look magnificent, to say the least, and I was so happy for her. Now, here I am in Reno, with nothin' much to do but laundry, email, and start working out again for the first time in months. I figure what better time to get back into it than when I have nothin' else to do.
Guys, please pray for me and for my family a lot lot lot. They are sooo lost, and I worry about them entirely too much. I was saddened after the reception because I don't know of a time where we as a family have felt that much love since we moved to Missouri 8 years ago. It was, of course, the kind of love that I experience most of the time with my Christian family, a taste of heaven. When my dad and I were driving away yesterday after saying goodbye to my sister, her husband, my brother and my mom, I was crying so hard. My dad was really upset too, and he wants us all to move to Reno and he thinks everything will be better. I was crying because I know that I won't get to have that with them in heaven if they don't ever accept Jesus. I believe that Paul, Dani's new husband and my new brother in-law, is a Christian now. But the rest of my family is still really, really confused. My dad thinks that he and I are on the same page as far as Jesus is concerned. But here's a taste of what he believes...that two things that contradict each other can both be true at the same time...what? No they can't! And my dad, of all ppl, should get that. But I don't know. If I do end up talking to him about that stuff more, I will bring up that 2+2=4 and 2+2=5 cannot both be true at the same time. I know that in reality, he doesn't believe that. I was thinkin' about how I understand things now that I didn't before that I don't know how my family could understand without being a Christian, and therefore how would they ever come to Him, but then I remembered that when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior I didn't understand half of what I was talkin' about, I just knew I wanted to follow Him for the rest of my life, no matter what the cost. And He has been faithful and there for me ever since, regardless of how much I understood. I read the Ragamuffin Gospel in four days when I was in Scotland, and one of the things the author talked about was the parable of the prodigal son, and how the son's motives for coming home were NOT all pure, he didn't really fully WANT to see his father, but he came home and the father loved him anyways and welcomed him. Brennan was describing that parable in a different way than we usually think of it and saying,"Hello! God doesn't care if our motives are completely purely for Him or not, He just wants us in His arms." That really hits home for me, and also gives me hope for my family, that although they won't necessarily fully understand God, Jesus, the trinity, what they are getting into, etc, etc, when they accept Him, it won't matter because God will take them in just the same. And that point is emphasized over and over again when Jesus is speaking. It just never really made full sense to me until I read that book. So it gives me great relief, when I am hangin' out with my family, whether they are drunk or drinking or smoking or cussing or whatever, to know that I am a ragamuffin just like them, and that Jesus would be doing the same thing and not caring about those things. I know too many Christians who wouldn't hang out with people who are doing that, but what does that show them? Granted, I don't like being around drunk people, in fact, I hate it with a passion, but I have learned to handle it and just love people regardless. I don't think that drinking and smoking and cussing are the things that make people 'bad' anyways, it's what is inside our hearts. Knowing this in my heart makes me smile and love when I am around drunks, smokers, whatever. I'm not condoning going to raves and being around druggies all the time or whatever, but in certain environments, if you aren't tempted in that way, I think it's fine and good. I mean, during my mission's trip, we hung out at a pub, for goodness' sake. The pastor had a pint, me and my friends learned how to play poker! I'm not one of those people whose like,"Yeah, I have freedom in Christ, so I can do whatever!!" Not at all. I think that that idea is emphasizing the wrong point completely. I'm talkin' about having non-Christian friends and loving them just the same. I'm talking about not living a sheltered life, about getting out into the REAL world without getting in over your head, and being separate from it but loving people into heaven.
All of you that have been praying for me so much, I feel it, and thank you for always being there for me. I miss all of you guys back home so much and I hope you are all having an awesome summer. :) I love you!!!

"We live in a beautiful world..."~Coldplay

"Well, I don't know about this Fourth of July filibuster..."~Me today to Lacy on the phone

Hey everyone! These quotes are for the team, read 'em and weep (actually, read 'em and laugh your head off in remembrance of our splendiferous time!) I love you guys, Pete, Ed, Sarah, Charity, Alisa, (prally didn't spell that right still!), Dave, Amasa, Joe, Matt, Arin, and if you get this, Brian Z. Or...Pe-er, Ed WORD, Char-hoody, Good 'Ol Dave, or Da Schmidt, The Regulator, Papa Zed, The Manipulator, Gil-Be-It, A-Train, and Zela -Z.

"Check it out, this song's called 'Hoochie Bag,'"~guy on techno radio station on 767, remember Dave?

"I say things like, 'Lay up,' and 'Pimp,'...I'm not sophisticated....wait, that's a big word."~Amasa

"That's awesome!"~Amasa

"I'm a believah!"~Sarah, in falling in love

"Let the fancy-ing begin!!!"~Charity

"Look at all these TEA CUPS!!! They don't drink anything but TEA!!!"~Peter while clearing out the Cocking's dishwasher

"I wouldn't say romance is stupid. It's actually quite nice."~Peter

"Man, that's some wicked poop!!"~Alisa

"We can get some great fish food...fish food?"~Joe telling us about Portree's food options

"Many more Kodak moments on Package A..."~Peter

"It's a real vomit-comet..."~Joe telling us about Package B, Dunrobin castle

"...and all we can do is go, "BAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" "~Matt during our prayer meeting

"You could always be the ill-tempered piranha!"~Matt ....???

"Kay, this sheep's toast..."~Joe driving the mini-bus at Skye

"Easy does it, pal!"~Peter to Matt

"Did somebody push a button?"~Joe about Matt

"Now that's a joy to drive."~Peter

"What?! I'm a black guy sitting next to you!"~Masa to Matt when he confused him for Dave, who is a white guy ;)

"What's a warm, soft white Bap?"~Sarah

"Is that sexy or what?"~Ed

"Because I'm Scottish...and I can't stand England."~Caireen Lamont

"Kinda like Sam's Club...but not really...at all."~Alisa

"And he farts like MAD!!"~Calum Lamont

"She's got bad bog breath!"~Calum

"Dude, I don't like heights."~Masa while climbing a really big tree

"Okay, I need a bodyguard FAST!!!"~Ed while playing Rock Star

"Rats can chew through rope, but people can't."~Joe

"Don't let the bed bugs bite...don't wet the bed..."~Thomas Raller/Nicholette

"Guys, lets do this. (claps)"~Peter

"Does that mean they have the most armpits per capita?"~Arin

"How do you sleep at night, Ed?"~Amasa

And now for Poker Night, Friday evening:

"I don't believe in my card."~Thomas

"Some fool put this in the pot, and I won it!"~Peter

"I see your two, or do I see your four?"~Sarah to Ed with a four on his head

"Ah, we're playin' Indian Poker 'til we die."~Thomas

"HOLY BALLS!"~Peter

"You get pissed, you go to the loo!"~Peter

AHH, what fun!!!
"

Alright, there. I'm back and better than ever. Won't be bloggin' much but I just HAD to get that ultra-depressing blog moved down a ways. Perhaps I will delete it even. Nah, I need to keep it to show how far I've come. Which brings to mind....don't ever burn your journals, folks! They are good to keep tabs on your spiritual progress. I, for one, kept one during my journeys in the far off land of Scotland, or Ecossia. At least, I think that's the French for Scotland. Can't remember. I bet you are all dying to hear all about Scotland, huh? Well, I cannot tell all, or even part, of the happenings there the last two weeks, but I'll tell ya, it was incredible, and mebbe I will even share some stories with you when I see you next. It just cannot be all expressed on a friggin' blog, for cryin' out loud. Are you kiddin'? To make a long story short, I made some awesome friends, was blessed extraordinarily, felt God's love bigger and better than ever, and was changed from the inside out. No exaggerations here, guys. You cannot exaggerate God's works. :) He's so great!! Man, what a friend I've found. What FRIENDS I've found! I learned how to play poker, too. And it was purty fun. I also played tons of hacky sack, Rock Star, Dare Base, Football (not American) and celiedh'ed my heart out. The pastor's wife told me that I had the dances down pat. :) :) :) I am loved. What else could I be smiling about? I am loved, forever and for always. Say that ten times fast. I love you all. Recieve recieve recieve for each moment is a gift from God, isn't it? Just think about it. Till next time, au revoir.

Those of you that understand why I had such an awful day, know and be glad. Those of you that don't really get it...don't fret. You don't know and you don't understand. So don't think about it at all and stop reading this blog right now. I'm serious.

It's 2:05a.m. I should be sleeping, but I am not, and I won't be able to for like, two hours, as usual, so I'm a bloggin'. Today was...insane. My heart hurts. A lot. I realized like, eight million thousand things last night and today...this week. I think I don't wanna blog anymore, or maybe I will just set up a new one and send the address to only a choice few. Yeah. But prally not anything for a long time after this one (especially since I will be in Scotland) just cause I just...can't. I actually had my first emotional car cruise tonight. I went and bought the Radiohead Amnesiac cd after taking my friend Matt home in Wayne's car, and a new Radiohead song came on the radio and made me all Europe-longing and stuff. So I drove over to CD Wherehouse and burst in there and was like,"Hey! Do you guys have the new Radiohead?" "Nope, it comes out in JUNE!!" "AWW, dang it!" and I walked over and found Amnesiac and bought it, recklessly, and then asked the two guys if it was out in Europe yet. "Yes, like, six months before here!" "Yes!!! I'm gonna be in Scotland in four days!" "Whoa!!! Why?" "Missions Trip, for two weeks" "That's awesome man!" Then one of the guys starts writing furiously on a little piece of paper and the other guys like,"He's askin a favor," but he just wanted to clue me in on some cool European bands, one from Sweden too (that got me stoked cause they've got sweet music comin out of that place) and was all hyper with me about Travis and Coldplay and stuff. So that was fun. Then I stuck it in the cd player, filled Wayne's car up, and drove and drove and yelled and shouted at God. I told him how stupid I am, that I don't know how to love the right way, that my head is too small, that I know I will never understand Him but for goodness' sake let me understand You more...and various other things relating to my level of stupidity. Then I came home and cried, remembering things from my past that I shouldn't even be thinking about because God has changed my life but the enemy just stuck them in my head to make me feel like scum and completely undeserving and tried to call Moo and Lacy and Andrew and then Logan and got her and we talked for three hours in Well's basement. Dana and Andrew found me by calling her cell and made sure I was okay, and left silly, wonderful messages on my machine, and then Lacy called as well. I realized I needed to return Wayne's car at like, one, so I went over and Scott took me back and listened and talked to me too. Keith was there for me today as well. I was so blessed by my friends today. My Scotland team went shopping and made dinner together too. But when we started playin' Braveheart I lied and had to go *study* but in actuality, talk to God. I think that there are so many, sooooo many things that I care about that just don't matter, and I tend to overlook the things that truly do. What an idiot! I am amazed by the things I think matter. God give me the grace to see the things that really do. I was thinking about the movie American Beauty, how at the end, he's dead and closing the story, and he says, "...of every day of my stupid, stupid life." And I was thinkin' that my life is just stupid. ?~yeah, the enemy was really gettin' inside of me. If you don't know what's up and you are still reading, stop. Now. You dont' understand. Okay, all that nonsense is just to make sure I don't have a bunch of people coming up to me goin' "Awww, what happened?" who don't even know the situation or understand or even people that think they do and they don't inquiring. Even my sister wouldn't get this so don't feel bad.

Andrew~You are AMAZING. I love your facial expressions, your voice, your tallness, your enveloping hugs, making you laugh, and moshing like an idiot and hurting myself with you. You love uninhibitedly and I adore it.

Dana~Girl, what can I possibly say to describe the ways you have been here for me and understood me, to my utter amazement. I am so blessed. I cherish you.

Logan~OH, man. Our talk tonight was so edifying and refreshing and special and filled me with love and joy. I just love you. Your presence soothes my troubled heart.

Meg~You are amazing and your faith abounds in love. I know I already affirmed you or whatever but who cares, you are just superb. Because you truly care about me and love me like Jesus.

Wayne~you prally don't know what happened, but if you are reading...you have blessed me so much this week. I don't know but like, two people, who would be so thoughtful as to come up with such a blessing as you have this week and go through with it. Talk about being in tune to God's people's needs. I love you man.

Scott~Thanks for being there to listen and understand.

You guys all helped me out today more than you will ever know, and I thank you for that.

"I did it because I believe that that search is over...get some rest, you'll need it."
"For what?"
"Your training."~Morpheus and Neo

Today was (and still is) absolutely beautiful, with my new rain jacket on, the Scottish weather, .hopesfall. in my ears, and God's blessings over and over....

"No one can tell you what the Matrix is...you just have to see it for yourself."~Morpheus

Okay, so God is super cool. It's like He somehow always knows what to do for my troubled soul...how is that possible? ;) I don't know that I'm that great at hearing His voice and what He's tryin' to say, so He just sends people my way to help out. Sometimes, they don't even have to say anything about what's goin' on...their simple presence is enough to let me know that things are gonna be okay, I don't have to fret, they still love me and care about me and nothing anyone says is gonna mess stuff up. I treasure my frienships more than anything...anything else that tries to sneak in there that doesn't belong, I don't want. I don't need to bring things up that God doesn't want me to...He knows the correct timing. I deal with my issues and if they need to be brought up, I will do it. But for some reason, some people have to try and screw things up because they think they understand me and what's goin' on in my head. They like to talk about stuff that doesn't matter at all and concern themselves about things that are none of their business. Anyways, God is gracious to calm my turmoil. I'm not perfect and never will be, so you people that expect me to be...can just be quiet and leave me alone, unless you are going to treat me as a true friend. Those of you that are there for me and being understanding...I love you and appreciate you more than you will ever know. Trust me, you know who you are. Well, that's out in some words...I'm scared about summer but also SO glad to be leaving some of the nonsense that has been going on. The thing I love about going away from everyone you know for a period of time is that you can grow so much due to the fact that you are not around people expecting you to be a certain way...therefore, you're allowed to live out those things you want to change without someone being like,"Oh, that's not her, she's trying to be righteous" or whatever people say. It's sad but true...sometimes people we know can be such a hindrance to our growth just because they know us as we are, not as who we want to be. I will be staying with some people who believe in who I want to be this summer, people who challenge me to become that and strive to change and allow me to change. Praise God for that. Besides this, I am gonna miss all of you so much. Please write, email, call, snail mail...I want to have contact! I love you all who are reading this so much, praise God for you. :)

"Alright...no problem. Free my mind, free my mind...alright....WAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"~Neo on the first jump

I've been listening to Waterdeep this morning, mainly the song, "I'm afraid that I'm not supposed to be like this." It truly says it all. I've been thinkin' about how far I've come, have I really come that far? etc. I don't know. I guess so. I fished out a poem from summer '99, when I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half and the summer before college, meeting Jesus, and all that jazz. I think it shows that I've come a good ways...

Untitled

Why must I carry on
Lost in my song
Sorrow grips me
Moves my lips in misery
Love defied me
Love betrayed me
Saw the truth there that
I didn't wanna see
Did you forget me?

Did I overcome you?
Thought I'd healed inside
Yet the truth is, instead, I died
Thought I'd gotten over it
Thought I could forget you
But you beat me to it
Now I know I never did

Shame covers my heart
Fear controls my dreams
You let go too fast,
Too fast for me, it seems

Did you know I'd rewind,
Go back to our time
Did you believe I loved you
Or that I needed you?
Now I find a new path
That leads to the ocean
of my tears
Cry your name and listen
No one hears
my questions
Can you feel my sorrow?
Can you touch this torch of pain?
Can you love me once more,
Become what I'd live for again?

Nicoustical July 1999

I'm super hungry and sore from the show last night. I went and saw a.ly.awaits, and they were purty cool. I had a lot of fun moshing with Andrew and Wayne, and we all got to yell 'Milkshake!' like a million times. I did somethin' weird to my neck and back, though. After that nonsense I went and watched The Two Towers for the fifth time, and it was amazing, as usual. I think that one of the most amazing parts in the movie is when Treebeard discovers the pillaged forest edge and lets out that deep cry. Oh, man, that part sears into my soul, just cause it's showing how much Saruman stopped caring, how much evil is truly going on. I don't like how they bring Frodo and Sam to Osgiliath in Gondor, cause all that business doesn't happen in the book, like where Frodo goes up and almost gives the ring away? Yeah, not part of the book. Oh well. When the movie was very nearly finished, it stopped and one of the employees was like,"There's a severe thunderstorm goin' on outside right now...I'm sure you've been hearing it." We were all like,"Uh, no!" Finally I think they realized that we didn't want to drive home in it and so therefore, while we waited, we should watch the rest of the movie. Hello?!

"Butt happens."~Bryan at the show

"Andrew is a non-confinist."~Wayne

"Being the one is like being in love~no one can tell you you're in love, you just know it, through and through...balls to bones."~The Oracle

Okay, I'm havin' a hard time makin' up my mind on an apartment to get with Lacy...I've looked around quite a bit and "viewed" two of them, but...nah...I don't think so. What to do? If there were a third person in our brigade, perhaps we could seriously consider a house, which is, nary to say, what I want. Okay, I know that that was probably the complete wrong way to use the word "nary," if that's even how you spell it, but I wanted to use it so there!!! I'm sure my dad will tell me how to spell it, correct usage, etc. Oh yeah, I talked to my mom today, and she got a computer!!! OOOHHH! She's gonna get me a baby blue dress for my sister's wedding, or I might wear her prom dress that's baby blue, totally from 1977, oh yeah, it fits me perfect! How cool would that be? I'm excited for my little sissy, but all this wedding business is freakin' me out too...not in my heart for me really anymore, but just worrying about some couples...that's all I will say for now. My mom got my last letter to her, and in it I told her about the possibility of doing my internship in Scotland...she was so excited and happy for me, and sounded so sure! "Nicholette, it just sounds like what you should do and it sounds completely like you. Go for it!!" Do I need any other encouragement than that? Didn't think so...Scotland, here I come, baby.

I went out on Wed. night with my small group girls and we had such a great time!! We went and got some Andy's and caught a stink-bug for Dana, and then we went back to Wells and talked about storms for a long time, and did some 'freestyle sitting,' which Karissa demonstrated perfectly. He he. It was great. Some other good news...yesterday I found out that my treasured punk girl, Dana, is TOTALLY going to Colorado this summer, and I just don't even know what to say. God is so completely and utterly faithful it's a surprise half the world isn't noticing!! I sure was noticing last night on my walk home from the XA ice cream social...do you realize how many prayers He's answered this semester? It's just mind-boggling!! (come to think of it, I need to get a Boggle game...I love that game! even though it's really LOUD) So yeah, all you silly-heads who don't think God can change lives and do the impossible? Just ask Him. Once. He'll do it.

I have to send out my cover letter and resume to the guy in Scotland today, and do about three trillion kabillion other things. But I just sit here doin' my bloggin' thing. I think my resume looks pretty awesome right now, I revised it, it makes me look so studette-ly. ;) I leave for the lovely country in about 10 days. I also have tickets to see the Matrix ReLoaded on Thursday night with some super duper people...I'm goin' to go get sushi and watch the Two Towers with Kristin this next week as well...Action-packed action, man. Uh.......

"You know, so I can have some gigabytes!"~my mom

"So didja like her?"
"Who?"
"The woman in the red dress!! I designed her....she, uh, well, she doesn't talk much...but if you'd like to meet her, I could set up a much more personalized mellaunion."~Mouse, The Matrix

Doo do doooo....okay, you're in for a much shorter blog. (hold the applause.) I found something yesterday that I decided I wanted to share because it lifted my spirits. It's an email I got from my freshman year small group leader, Rhia.
"Hey girl, I was just thinking about you and wanted you to know that there is something very beautiful about being still and knowing that He is God. Let your anxious soul stop for just a minute, and know he is God. He is in control of your life, He has chosen you first, if you feel Him or not He is still God and still has immense love for you. Take a walk this afternoon if possible! Thank Him for the ways He has blessed you (the Pell Grant is awesome) and just ask Him to help you be still and know He is God--He is in control. Ask God for a strategy, a schedule on how to get going again. Ask Him for the desire and the discipline. I've had to do this over and over again. He is gracious!
Love you,
Rhia"
Isn't that great? I also wanted to share an excerpt from one of my favorite books, "God.com," by James Alexander Langteaux, that I finished re-reading for, uh, lets see, the fourth time today, that really hit home:
"Until now, I have lived like a reactionary. I have not liked televangelists, religion, and most churches where I've been. As much as I think I don't, I still make great distinctions between us and them. I don't act; I react, and I certainly don't revolutionize. But the simple truth is this: Jesus Christ was and is the greatest revolutionary who ever lived. His life and all that He embodied opposed a system that enslaves. He worked for the good of the people, and His life He freely gave.
He is asking us to do the same."
Coo, huh? A bit reminiscent of the Matrix, wouldn't you say? Which I just HAPPEN to be seeing in a week!!!! YES!!! I think I am gonna quote that movie up until it comes out instead of Emperor's New Groove to honor the sequel. he he. So here ya are, some quotes:

"Had I known that she got out of class at the same time I did, I would have eaten her every day this semester!!!"~Kristin at dinner last night

"Yet their strength and their speed are still based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be."~Morpheus

Okay, watch out--this blog is LONG!!! It might not really interest you. If not, then just wait for the next short one. Otherwise, you might have an enjoyable time reading about my happenings this weekend. Mebbe not. It doesn't matter really....

I just got done with one of the best weekends I've had in a long while, but not too long, cause my life is purty darn fun most of the time. Friday night, I went and saw one of my friends Elizabeth's dance concert, and boy, did she look beautimous. She's been doing ballet since she was little and she had a featured couple dance (pas de deux?) in the middle of a classical ballet piece, and I felt like crying, I was so happy. See, like 2 years ago, she and I worked together at Applebee's and got along really well. We decided to live together on campus and did for a semester. During that time, she had been an Anthropology major but decided that that wasn't for her, and I suggested she be a dance major. We talked about it and she thought about it and changed, even though it meant she'd been in school longer than planned. Well, she's satisfied now and I'm so proud of her. Do I sound like a parent? I love that girl. There was also a piece with Bach, she'd told me earlier, and it turned out to be the first movement of the Brandenburg concerto, which just happens to be my favorite Bach piece to play on the violin!

After the concert, I called up Fufanu and girl_in_well, (Dana and Kristin), to see if they wanted to hang out at Jerod's with me and meet Mandy, who was comin' down. So they came over and waited for me. She was gonna pick me up at 9:45 but still wasn't out front by 10, so KP let me call her on her cell. Mandy had been in the parking lot leaving about, oh, let's see, eight messages on my machine that basically said,"Um, yeah.......yeah." mixed with some 96.5 jams radio (eewww!!) So we headed out and I got to see her engagement ring and we went over and she met Philip-ee and Jerod and Charity were there and we all sat and talked for a while. I felt bad about D and KP but they were cool and put in Edward Scissorhands to watch. Moo and I got hungry so went "out on the town"~drove around listenin' to Veggie Tales remixes. I had told her about my friend Sean, and as we were driving downtown we saw him walkin, so I said hi, and he asked for a ride to Walnut St. (it was like, one block away) and so MOo (bein' the studette she is) was like,"Sure, hop in!" and met my wasted friend Sean and we took him to the Mudhouse lounge. After I introduced her he kept calling me Mandy...it was hilarious. We eventually ate at McD's (bad choice) and went and got D and KP and went home and talked and slept.

Next mornin' she took me to Salina and Mel's to prepare for Mel's shower, and I got to talk to Salina~she's such a wise woman of God, I love her. She's great! I made two cheesecakes and bought chips and salsa and made some Jell-O to make jigglers that said, "Mel and GJ." Salina took me home, then KP and I packed up and bought some food at Dillons, some bread at St. Louis Bread, and picked Dana up. We were gonna go CAMPING!!! So we headed down, following Phil's doofy directions. We got there around 4:15 or so and I got to meet his dad, mom, and sister....they were SO nice! I especially like his dad, who was outgoing and goofy and really friendly. They showed us their flowers they'd been planting and then we went inside the house to prepare the coolers and stuff for food. Wayne, Andrew, and Keith were also campin'. In the kitchen Phil's runnin' around like,"Woah, we got TONS of food..this is gonna be so awesome!" His mom had bought some stuff for us too, and some stuff to make foil packs. YES! So Dana and I cut up some onions, carrots, potatoes and celery for 'em, and put it in the cooler with S'more stuff and other food. MMmmm. We saw the new baby kittens and hung out for a while, then packed up the truck and headed for the site. D and KP rode in the truck cause KP's still injured, and the rest of us walked the trail to the site. I got so....jealous!!! I miss living in the country so much!! I was so at home and at peace and happy, happy, happy! UGH!!!! It was such a great day, temperature and everything, and I kinda walked behind everyone for a while. After jumpin' a little creek we got to the pond and campsite, and soon the truck drove up from the other side and we unloaded and set up our tents. Kristin needed her chair, so Dana and I walked the trail back to the house to get some TP and the chair. We talked about poison ivy and other things, and tried climbin' a tree at the house. We went in and got the TP and I met their oldest son, Barefoot (actually a teddy bear filled with walnut shells that sits between the family pictures, he he, Phil's dad made him sit on my lap and look up and listen at me and stuff) and then we walked back. We all cooked up some dogs and then prepared the foil packs and ate those, then partook in some guitar and worship and silly made-up songs for a while. Eventually we decided that the big field behind us was good to hide in and played some hide and go seek in the dark. Phil's pal Jason came over and whoever was 'It' used the flashlight. I went to hide just in the field. I was just layin in that foot-tall grass, lookin' up at the sky and stars, and I felt so small and felt a Godly fear~it was neat cause it wasn't me bein' scared of animals or aliens or whatever I used to be scared of when being outside in the dark out in the middle of nowhere (I actually felt really comfortable for the most part), but just knowing how little I am and...oh well, I can't explain it, but it was amazing. Then Dana came over and laid on my tummy and we looked up there and whispered and giggled and listened for Keith, who was 'It', looking for us. We got found first, I think, and we helped him look for the others. Back at the site, we decided to play again and I got 'It' by losing paper-rock-scissors to Dana. So I waited and went searchin'. I found Wayne, then I found Jason and he almost killed himself running away, and then Keith. After that, it was a long search for Dana, Andrew, and Phil. Finally, after having some thoughts like,"I'll bet they're at the campsite laughing at me cause I'm out here lookin' for 'em," I yelled out that I needed some hints. KP was like,"Nobody's out there," and my first thought was, "I knew it!" But after I ran back, no one was there but the caught ppl, so they finally decided to tell me when I was warm, hot, cold, etc. So the Dour and Dana were underneath the boys tent, and I went to our tent to find Phil but KP said,"Freezing!" so I finally found him underneath the blanket right in front of her! It was great. Jason then told us a million stories about him and Phil and their other friends; it was hilarious, and after he left, KP went to bed and me, Phil, Dana and Andrew decided we wanted to sleep outside so we set up our sleeping bags (or blankets). But right when we were trying to warm up and fall asleep, it started raining so we ran into our tent and set up, but then we realized there was a sheer hole in the top so Dana and the Dour saved us by setting up a makeshift rainfly. It stopped raining (dang it!~I was gettin' excited) though and eventually we all fell asleep to the sound of the billowing tent. I woke up to go pee at like, 6:30, and the sun was up and it looked so beautiful, and I just sat out there for a while, thinkin'. The rays were comin' out of the clouds and making it look all shiny and stuff. The weather was really Scottish all weekend, but I was nostalgic about my country days. It was nice and blustery all night and so that made the sounds even better, with the grass blowing around--it sounded like the ocean a bit. We woke up at 8:30 and brought the truck back, then came back with Keith's car and loaded the rest of the stuff up and went to church. It was awesome, and I got home and called Moo, so we could go to the shower. I did a sucky job hosting (well, I thought so) and cute Mel got some interesting gifts, and then Moo and I went to David's Bridal to try on my bridesmaid dress she'd picked out earlier. She was like,"I have NEVER seen you in a real dress, so I have to before I get these." She loved it and I was all embarrassed, but it is a beautiful dress. It's apple and not satin and swishy and lovely. I get to look pretty three times this summer now at all those weddings. He he. Well, we went back and the weather was a' brewin'. She and I went to my room and I cleaned up and we talked, then she got to talk to Joel for a while, then the tornado sirens started goin' off. We were dumb and went out of my room, where we were told to go to the 1st floor west wing. Ugh, boy floor. We had to sit down there for like, 45 minutes smelling stinky boys and listenin' to vulgar boy talk. We went back up and played some guitar and she talked to Joel more and then we talked a bunch about silly boy stuff and giggled and she made fun of me and we had such a good time. She left this morning after I went to work.

I'm spent, but I told all that because I want to have it down to remember, and to let all of you know how much you mean to me, seriously. I had such an amazing time, so that my worship Sunday morning was a lot about thanking God for all of you being in my life, for making the world such a beautiful place full of beautiful people like my friends. I fell asleep a million times during the service, but..that's another story :) I will check ya'lls later. Praise God!!!
oh yeah...our Scotland money's almost all in...only 13 more days!!!!

MMMkay, I feel much better today. I had an answered prayer and got to talk to Lacy about all of my bottled up frustration crapola. I am currently in the lab again, this time listenin' to the Autumns. I am feeling really expectant right now. I am realizing my dependence on God, that I cannot do anything without Him. But with Him, I have a world--no, a universe, of awesome opportunities coming up for me. I'm so stoked about what He is going to do in Scotland with me. I'm excited about what He is doing right now though, too. He is teaching me so much about loving people. Valuing them on their good days and on their bad days. About keeping a correct perspective on things when I am around those who have a large influence on my emotions. About desiring God's will in my relationships and not my own. I want what He wants, really and truly. It's hard to do it but...it's getting easier. I have such liberation in realizing my weakness, I guess. I think that is helping me live freer. I think we all try so hard to not let ourselves be dependant on anyone, even Jesus. But the fact is, we are, we were made that way. I wish I could say everything, every little thing God has taught me this last month or so. Just simple little tidbits of amazing wisdom. And He's teaching me to live by it. AGH!!! Wow! I have a yearning for Him lately like I haven't before, and I just want it to increase more and more and outweigh my yearnings for whatever else distracts. It really is too small of a longing, and I want it to grow larger.
I'm super excited about this weekend; I get to see Moo, go camping with my small group girls, see one of my good friends dance in the Spring dance concert, go to my best friend's wedding shower, and prally help Andy and Phil and them with their house a bit too. I might even do that tonight too, I don't know. I helped them paint the bathroom last night with Dana, it was super fun. I really want to do that when I "grow up": buy an old house and fix it up. It think it'd be great. I take such joy in it.
Is there any word to describe the peace that God gives? It's beyond understanding and how can I thank Him, in what way, shape or form could i express the thanks I have in my heart for this peace that He brings my soul, my being. blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.....

I am really frustrated right now with things. I'm angry about everyone's confusion about God. I'm angry about depression plaguing people in my life, as it did me for many years. I'm frustrated with people not understanding me, and telling me what they think they know about me but then not taking the time to listen to me when I tell them they are wrong. It's not fair. I know that this is the way the world is, but I wish it wasn't the way Christians were. Not all of them, but... It hurts me deep inside. I wish people would test their beliefs and make sure they line up with the way the world works. Why do people brainwash themselves or let themselves be brainwashed simply because they like/love the person who is brainwashing them? Why are people going about life so unaware of what they are saying and doing to people? Why do people say they believe one thing and then do another? ARGH!!! I know I do all of these things. I'm aware that I do. My frustration is with those that don't know what they are doing, that think they are being some sort of excellent Christian messenger for God just the way they are rather than taking a step back and saying,"Okay, maybe my thinking on this is kinda messed up." If you say you believe in the Bible, people, then take your beliefs to the Bible and make sure it all lines up!!!
Okay, now that that is out of me....I think I'm gonna go now. And don't ask me about this blog when you see me in person. There's only a few people who I wanna talk about this with and work it through. Otherwise, bad things will ensue. Lacy, and Moo, that'd be you. You guys have a clue!!! Okay, let my words be few. Peace. (Sorry about the anger evident in this blog...my anger is directed at the enemy and the sin right now, not the people involved...at least, that's what I'm trying to do...Lord help me do it)

Okay, it's around 4:28 now, and I feel much better. I am listenin' to Denison Witmer...so soothing....am gonna go running here in a bit after I finish my logs. thpppptbbbbttt!!!

Well well well...my best bud Mandy Moo got engaged this last weekend, and I'm in the wedding party, so....three weddings I'm in this summer! Holy cow! I got to see Glen and Paula yesterday and talk with them for about an hour about my life. Remember how I was saying I wish I could talk less? Well, hey, at least they listened and seemed to enjoy hangin' out with me. It was so special and it looks like I will be stayin' with them this summer for a month or so, I'm excited. I went and looked at an apartment today for Lace and I. She still hasn't emailed me back yet about what she wants to do....(hint hint). Okay, I've had to go to the bathroom about eighty times today and I have to go yet again! I guess I will write more later. Peace out.

"There is a box that helps me."~Phil