Have you guys heard about that guy that just drove through the farmer's market in Santa Monica and killed 9 people? It got me to thinkin,"Life is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fragile." I mean, anything weird like that could happen and just steal my life away. Our life could be taken away at any moment. ANY moment. I went to a seminar this morning, a live broadcast actually, with speaker Mark Mittleberg on CCN, talking about reaching people in the secular landscape. I've been reading a book about campus ministry, and have watched part of a series called,"The Making of a Mentor" by Alica Chole. All of this is getting me so pumped up about coming back to school. I mean, the Great Commission really freakin' scares the crap out of me. It's a scary job. I read something that said something like,"When people become Christians, they don't always realize that they are actually moving out to the front lines, becoming a primary target in this war we're waging." As leaders in ministry, we are prime targets!!! We are going to be attacked more than a complacent Christian, because we are dangerous soldiers on God's side. We can mess things up. All I can think is that I know I will make mistakes, I know I will be persecuted and shot down and jabbed at and made fun of for being all out for Jesus. But if I don't believe that God can work through that than my God is too small. If I don't stand in the face of all that shooting that is BOUND to happen, I don't believe in my heart, in His power. So my prayer this summer is that I will believe in it enough to be made uncomfortable. Enough to know that when I actually speak the Gospel instead of just saying (like I ALWAYS do) that my way of witnessing is by my life example, that I may be pummeled but it doesn't mean that I or God have failed. And He is made strong in my weakness. In the past, I have been too scared to simply SPEAK. I make great friends with non-Christians, we talk about God, but I never INVITE them to know Him themselves verbally, and the truth is that they may never have been asked that question. A question like,"If you could know God personally, would you want to?" or something like that. This is very frightening to me. I pray that I will not turn people off. I was on that side before. I have been burned by Christians. Lemme tell you. I still have reservations and cynicism towards the church. Because of this, I have been too scared to say anything about these friend's relationships with God. When I have, I feel that I have driven them away, although that may not be the case. But I have given up. I never want anyone to be a "project." There are people I care about deeply, so deeply that I don't ever want to tread upon their beliefs~dang it!! I need to start believing in the truth of what I am saying!! If I have been living a different life, when I speak Jesus' name in regard to it, even if they turn me down and turn away, I will have said whom it is I put my trust in. Hopefully they will look at our friendship and see that I have not been trying to force my 'religion' down their throat. I'm trying to give them hope. I want them to go to Heaven. So bad that I am willing to risk saying something uncomfortable. To utter Jesus' name~*gasp!!* Is it supposed to be that bad? But if God can forgive Peter, call him His rock, then though I have failed in the past, I pray that I can become what Peter did. That I can trust in the Holy Spirit's power and NOT ON MY OWN. That's what I'm realizing this summer. He does it. He can work wonders through me. It's not up to me! It's not up to my own strength!!! I am weak!!...but HE is strong. HE is STRONG!!! God, help me believe that!!! Help me love the way you do! Help me live the way You ask me to. Help me believe in my small but penetrating circle of influence and not think that I am a failure if I don't have 30 super-close friendships. Help me Jesus, help me.