Nichollusion...that's a new nickname I recieved some time this past week from someone, can't remember exactly who said it, but I thought it was so cool! Anyways, it's been a long time since I wrote. To tell you the truth, I haven't felt like ranting to people on this thing or in person. I feel like I talk way too much about dumb stuff, a lot of it stuff that should just, by now, be between me and God really, cause only He understands and really cares as much as I want all of these other people to care. I've been thinking a lot about people's perspectives on things, and how they are not always whole, how only God's view is the complete one~so why don't I come to Him for guidance? I get too confused by my own and others' perspectives on my life issues, if that's what you wanna call them. I had a dumb day today. It was my last day at Ski Shack, and I talked about dumb stuff to Chris and I feel gross because him and Mikey were all *blech* I don't even know how to explain, it's just unfair, it makes me feel like it's my fault even though it isn't. I was just so happy to be outta there, away from the stupid comments. Not that I am completely blameless and innocent in this entire matter, but still, being out of the situation will help me end it all, all this crap I'm feeling, this guilt. I wish I could just like, not talk at all for a week. I think that would be cool. Maybe I would hear Jesus better. Tonight, after I went nuts in my room to Further and Blindside for about an hour, I went for a walk, cause "I believe in silence." (he he) I didn't really talk aloud or anything, but man, was I talking and blabbing away to God in my mind for like an hour. I don't even know if I heard anything He said I was talkin' so much. I do know that I need this much more often. I often try to fill the silence, with reading or music or hangin' out even though it's really boring, or whatever...I think I'm scared of what He will say. I shouldn't be but I am. Why am I so reluctant to just drop my desires and take up His for me? I mean, I know that only His will for my life and He Himself will satisfy, so why do I still try to do it all on my own and rely on just me? I don't get it one bit. I am just desperate to be humbled and live in the moment and get the focus off of me and onto God and others. I'm sick of dragging all this baggage from my past and stuff behind me when I really could have just left it back at the place I started walkin'. I feel like Jesus is goin', "Uh, you don't have to hang onto all of that, ya know. Just, uh, let go, okay? No, really! It's alright, I said so. It's okay if you do. I'm serious! Hello?! Okay...if that's what you want to do...." I realized a lot during my class that I had last weekend. It was so fun, and I got to talk to a friend who told me how and why he had backslid, that he knew I was a Christian and admired me so much, and I prayed with him and stuff. I was just really not worrying about anything and just being. I love it when I can just be, and I know that that is how God wants me to live. So it was a really eye-opening weekend. I know that is a vague description of it but oh well. Anyways....

"We want to accept all cookies..."~Jonny B at Ski Shack

"Mommy, I want that bike thing...with the thingie on it?..."~ some girl at Ski Shack