Hello fools. This a one's gonna be short, maybe, and a short-term replacement for emails because I only have one hour on this friggin computer and I need to finish my homework ASAP. Well, Mammoth is crazy cool. I cry most nights because I am seeing who i really am. okay forget capitalization and punctuation, this keyboard stinks anyways, I live in a really cool apartment with now five other girls, one aussie, one from michigan with a total northern accent, one (my roommate) from New York, and a girl from WA state and a new lesbian girl named sandy. all are very nice partiers. it's so weird. i hang out with aussies every night, my aussie roomie has a boyfriend named mitch. there is another guy named thomo (daniel actually) from austrailia too, who comes over to watch jen aniston on friends. all drink nearly every night. work is from 7:45 in the morning to nearly six at night. my internship has not been coming along great yet because of the holidays, but now it is slowing down and they are promising me more. i work in a sports shop for the mountain, with snowboard and ski and mammoth gear stuff in it. i am learning ticketing and food and other aspects of Canyon lodge, one of the get going places here. it is so beautiful out here. i went to church finally last sun, they have it at night and it is within walking distance of my place. it was beautiful and scary at the same time. the boy/girl ration here is like, 8-1, boys to girls. so it was very strange also to see more guys than girls at church, as well as everywhere else. i have a couple friends at work, a guy named cameron and a girl from new zealand. lots of new zealanders here as well as aussies. i am sorry for not calling everyone or emailing everyone, it is so weird. i am getting used to the cold, and sure enough, i definitely like it way better than being hot. i've gotten to go boarding once since i have been here, but i got some new boots and am getting some bindings, goggles, and new helmet, then i will be all set to ride more and pay my bills with my money instead of for gear. i don't even have a real address here, but if you want to send me something it is:
my name
General Delivery
Mammoth Lakes, CA 93546 and schtuff. oh i was gonna say, i liked the church (called the lighthouse--you like that huh moo?) but i cried so hard because i missed everyone back home and was watching everyone who knew each other talking and stuff, making plans or whatever, and hardly anyone talked to me. all i met was guys and one girl.

i don't know who i am at all, and i know nobody here knows either. only God knows. so I cry out to Him every night, asking him to change me and change my desires. I am learning to admit all my sins and that there are lots i don't know about now that i will/may find out about later and that i am finding out in my time here. i cry because i am lost in a sea of confusion about who i am, in the knowledge of the bad things i am, forgetful of the good things i am, and dying to be in touch and close to Him. He reminds me every day with the mountain air and the moonlit sky and peaks and the sunrise over the valley as i ride the bus or gondola up to work, in the 2 scottish smiles and accents i heard yesterday, in the huge piles of snow sitting out of my window--one thing that is just like i imagined it. i can come to Him only to recieve the forgiveness and love i long for. my friends cannot understand me fully, and they cannot forgive me. it is God i have sinned against, and Jesus who has taken it away with His blood. as mel put it-hey, you have convictions. that is great! that is my prayer for people here that i want to meet God--that the hs convict them, because when it comes down to it, none of my eloquent language or anything will bring them to God if they are not convicted of their sin. i am enjoying being with non-christians, and looking forward to the new christian fellowship i know i can gain at this church. i can't be immersed in the world--in my studies i have been reading about how i do not belong here, and that is why i don't fit it. i don't. almost every day someone asks me why i don't drink. it is so obvious that i don't fit in, that i am different. so my heart longs for fellowship with other believers, but my confessions to God are real and deeply honest. it is refreshing humiliating/humbling, and eye-opening to admit to God what i really truly feel and what i want and what i am thinking. He meets me where i am. so guys, keep me in your prayers and through them send me your love. I miss you with all my heart and long for you, but am assured and affirmed that God sent me here. I have distant memories of who you guys see me as, and think I am, some of which may be accurate and others which i know may be false. but i know your love for me is real and i hold on to that each night as i weep. all my love goes out to you in Christ, who is more real than anything in this world.