MMMkay, I feel much better today. I had an answered prayer and got to talk to Lacy about all of my bottled up frustration crapola. I am currently in the lab again, this time listenin' to the Autumns. I am feeling really expectant right now. I am realizing my dependence on God, that I cannot do anything without Him. But with Him, I have a world--no, a universe, of awesome opportunities coming up for me. I'm so stoked about what He is going to do in Scotland with me. I'm excited about what He is doing right now though, too. He is teaching me so much about loving people. Valuing them on their good days and on their bad days. About keeping a correct perspective on things when I am around those who have a large influence on my emotions. About desiring God's will in my relationships and not my own. I want what He wants, really and truly. It's hard to do it but...it's getting easier. I have such liberation in realizing my weakness, I guess. I think that is helping me live freer. I think we all try so hard to not let ourselves be dependant on anyone, even Jesus. But the fact is, we are, we were made that way. I wish I could say everything, every little thing God has taught me this last month or so. Just simple little tidbits of amazing wisdom. And He's teaching me to live by it. AGH!!! Wow! I have a yearning for Him lately like I haven't before, and I just want it to increase more and more and outweigh my yearnings for whatever else distracts. It really is too small of a longing, and I want it to grow larger.
I'm super excited about this weekend; I get to see Moo, go camping with my small group girls, see one of my good friends dance in the Spring dance concert, go to my best friend's wedding shower, and prally help Andy and Phil and them with their house a bit too. I might even do that tonight too, I don't know. I helped them paint the bathroom last night with Dana, it was super fun. I really want to do that when I "grow up": buy an old house and fix it up. It think it'd be great. I take such joy in it.
Is there any word to describe the peace that God gives? It's beyond understanding and how can I thank Him, in what way, shape or form could i express the thanks I have in my heart for this peace that He brings my soul, my being. blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.....

I am really frustrated right now with things. I'm angry about everyone's confusion about God. I'm angry about depression plaguing people in my life, as it did me for many years. I'm frustrated with people not understanding me, and telling me what they think they know about me but then not taking the time to listen to me when I tell them they are wrong. It's not fair. I know that this is the way the world is, but I wish it wasn't the way Christians were. Not all of them, but... It hurts me deep inside. I wish people would test their beliefs and make sure they line up with the way the world works. Why do people brainwash themselves or let themselves be brainwashed simply because they like/love the person who is brainwashing them? Why are people going about life so unaware of what they are saying and doing to people? Why do people say they believe one thing and then do another? ARGH!!! I know I do all of these things. I'm aware that I do. My frustration is with those that don't know what they are doing, that think they are being some sort of excellent Christian messenger for God just the way they are rather than taking a step back and saying,"Okay, maybe my thinking on this is kinda messed up." If you say you believe in the Bible, people, then take your beliefs to the Bible and make sure it all lines up!!!
Okay, now that that is out of me....I think I'm gonna go now. And don't ask me about this blog when you see me in person. There's only a few people who I wanna talk about this with and work it through. Otherwise, bad things will ensue. Lacy, and Moo, that'd be you. You guys have a clue!!! Okay, let my words be few. Peace. (Sorry about the anger evident in this blog...my anger is directed at the enemy and the sin right now, not the people involved...at least, that's what I'm trying to do...Lord help me do it)

Okay, it's around 4:28 now, and I feel much better. I am listenin' to Denison Witmer...so soothing....am gonna go running here in a bit after I finish my logs. thpppptbbbbttt!!!