Turkey day was crazy long! The Turkey Trot was fun--I saw tons of people I know, somehow, amongst the over 2000 people that were there. And I got my free t-shirt. Then I fed the kitten and then went home and basically cooked and washed dishes for like, 6 hours straight. It was almost worth it...but I ate dinner with two people who had already had their dinner...I was nice and full by the end. Then I came over to feed the kitty, and I rented Sense and Sensibility and was up late watching that, then decided to stay and slept in until 12 noon. I haven't slept in that late for I don't know how long! I think I needed it though. And I mostly just dozed off and on those last three hours cause the kitty was being loud and obnoxious...then she calmed down that last hours and slept with me. She's sitting in my lap right now, about to fall asleep. She's so ornery. I can't stand cats jumping on countertops and knocking over GJ's painstakingly-built Legos is all. Oh well. She's really cute besides that. I think she might need a bath though. I'm sure that would just be so fun. Yeah. Right. Well, time for some Bible and then some sleepy.

Well, I was gonna have some international friends and others over for Thanksgiving dinner, but they had other plans! Imagine that!! :) No, I'm glad they had another place to go! I just need people to come over and finish off my leftover turkey, because before I knew this, I bought a 15 lb-er and now, it is only going to be me and Courtney for sure. Oh well! More practice cooking the big bird. I'm so used to not spending Thanksgiving with my family anymore that it hardly comes to my mind. I hope someday I will have the ability to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with loved ones regularly. I am not even sure I will get to go to Texas this year to see my mom, brother, and sister. I actually am looking forward to it if I get to go! My mom and I have planned a lot of stuff...I even suggested that we go camping but she shot that down right away--come on! It's Texas! The coldest it gets in the winter (I think) is in the 50's. Well, maybe lower.
Oh! I am running in the 11th annual Turkey Trot too, tomorrow! I'm not in shape, but hey--it will get me out there running, and I get a shirt to boot! It's only 3 miles anyways. Awesome!

I am so excited for camping this weekend...I hope it's a great crew! I'm sure it will be. I'm so glad I get to go...ah, it will be so wonderful. Man. I love fall and winter. I want to go back to Cali so bad it hurts sometimes. I really hope that I can go surfing some time this year...my church in Mammoth has an annual surf trip that I'm considering coming on again this year. My Aussie friend Caz has been begging me to come to Mammoth at least once while she's there this year...I just don't know if I can afford to! If not, Dana, Kristin, and I might plan a crazy road trip out west. That would be amazing. Oh, wow. I love road trips! I need to road trip out to the east coast some time...and I have road-tripped almost everywhere in the midwest, and I love it here too. People in the West made fun of the Midwest--especially the 'Ozark Mountains,' but I love them--it's beautiful in it's own way out here. Man. Last weekend I went up to St. Louis on what was a gorgeous fall day and it was so beautiful driving up there...I want to bike the Mark Twain National Forest trail or whatever it's called. I saw a bunch of guys in like their 60's riding on this road next to the highway and it made me jealous that I wasn't on a bike.

I really need/want to get out of consumer debt. Ugh. I hate it. It's so hard to have fun when you graduate when you are trying to get out of debt. God will pull me through it though. I don't worry about it really anymore because I know He's faithful to bring me to that place, and He's been teaching me so much about finances lately...that's something I think a lot of Christians don't think enough about. I've learned so much in just the last year it's insane!

Well, the big 2-5 is coming up this Friday, and I'm thankful that I will be spending it outside, in Arkansas, with some awesome friends. I couldn't ask for a better birthday present!

I'm gonna say it, "It's Fall!" Yay! It's here! I think everyone likes Fall...sometimes, though it seems like everyone I know loves Summer the most. Not me. I'm an Autumnal person. I was so wishing today on my ride over to the Y that I was going camping tomorrow night. I think I'm just gonna not care how many people go and just schedule the trip and just do it and get out there. My new sleeping pad came in the mail yesterday and I laid it out and layed on in and talked on the phone to my dad. We talked about our next epic road/camping trip. My brother and sister are coming to see me this weekend! I'm excited! When I was talking to my dad, I was reminded of our last trip, a year ago, to move back to the Midwest--my brother to Texas, my dad to Arkansas, and me to MO. Somewhere out in the desert in the bottom part of New Mexico, at somewhere around 3 or 4 in the morning, we stopped the rental truck and my dad's truck at a rest stop to take a nap. My dad slept in the rental truck cab, and my brother and I decided to climb on top of the truck and try to 'bivvy,' if you will, up there. And boy, was it a biv. It was so funny! I had my nice 20 degree bag, and my brother just had his old crappy sleeping bag. I slept on the south side of him, to try and block him from the wind, since my bag was much more windproof than his. We didn't even warm up. We got some bouts here and there of sleep, but most of the time it was just so cold and soooo windy that we were just like, laughing at ourselves, teeth chattering, wondering if we should try and sleep in the Ranger. We finally ended up going back down and sleeping in there. We mainly did it cause we both hate sleeping in a half-way put back car seat. It's so uncomfortable. Same thing in the Nevada desert a couple nights before. I parked the Ranger next to the rental truck, somewhere on the side of the road, and my dad slept in the cab, my brother slept in the Baja bug we were pulling behind us, and I slept between the two vehicles, laid out flat, snug as a bug in a rug. My dad thought it was so crazy that I slept out under the stars, no fear...he took a picture of me and my brother's sleeping arrangements. My brother got fed up with the bug early on cause it got so hot in there. Ah...I love roughing it. Nothing like it to make awesome memories.

So, MOo is the one who put this new layout up--she's also the designer of the other one. I hope you guys like it--I feel kind of funny having my picture there, but oh well. It still rocks!
Yeah, so Mandy Moo is the hero of the day, no wait--the hero of the entire like, last month or so--to borrow a phrase from Kim. She is constantly willing to listen and give me her thoughts on things, and back it up with the Word. She's incredible and always speaks so much into my life, and so much encouragement. I love you girl--thank you. I thank God for you.
And also, the Word is like, the hero of the year for me. If that makes any sense at all. It truly is a double-edged sword, revealing the true nature of our hearts--good and bad.
Why is it so hard to cling to God? I also have been thinking lately about my recent 'ability' (more like a gift) to do some things I've tried to do in the past that I care about consistently. Where does that come from? I was riding my bike home the other night pondering this. I have alway struggled with procrastination and lack of motivation, and I have a lot of friends who deal with this too. Then I have these people in my life who have this incredible discipline, and I am in awe of them and the well that seems to bubble up from inside of them.

It's like I have every tool available to me to better myself (or rather, have God better me--which I think is the clue to this whole thing, just wait) but I don't know how one gets to the place where he or she uses those tools, gets up and just goes for it! But lately, somehow, I've been able to and I don't get it. And I'm pleading with God to keep me here and moving forward. What did I do? Do we really do something, or does God give us the gift? And if so, how do we get that gift? Is it enough to ask for it, or do we have to do something--though this act itself is not what changes us--to put ourselves in a place where God can change us; in effect, do something that puts us in a position that shows God that we are seeking him? In essence giving Him permission to do so? I think that's the key. I also think that we have to ask ourselves what we really believe about the Word, too--like,"Do I really believe that the Word is living and active? Do I really believe that it can change my life?" Because if we don't believe it, then why make it a priority to read it? My best solution for me was to ask myself that question, and then when I saw what my true, honest answer was deep in my heart, I kind of got kicked in the butt and realized I had to do something to change it. I had to do something to seek God--I had to seek God. And He says in His word that we can seek Him and find Him in and through His word. Okay--woah. That's heavy stuff. But it's been doing me a lot of good.

By the way--somehow, I did finish that 8k--I didn't die of hip-joint pain or even just die! I actually really enjoyed it--it was good to race with people and volunteers who are my co-workers and friends supporting me along the way. I've recieved lots of encouraging, affirming words from them since the race too. Wow! I didn't really do that good at all, but it's so awesome to have people tell you you did well anyways! It made me realize how much encouragement can do for people. Such a small thing--yet, now I want to do more of them! It made me think how much encouragement in our faith could do--and motivates me to do my part better. Thanks Ward Y! I love you!!! this is long...

Wow. I'm so thankful that God changes us. Otherwise...yuck! I still got a long ways to go, though. That's okay.

I really love life right now!!! :)

I miss everyone! I am working 50 hours a week now, so just hold tight here--I can't hang out or be around as much as I'd like. But I'm considering quitting my second job in October, so we'll see. I miss people, friends. It seems like summer was just beginning, and I was just getting to know people I haven't been able to get to know in so long, and there was hanging out, and there was that awesome spur-of-the-moment camping trip...ah, nothing like a camping to bond people together. Now the summer's come and gone, and everyone's busy, busy, busy.

That's why I am planning a camping trip for October...but I want to see who can go and if so, what weekend would work best for the most people. I would like to do it the third weekend of October because there is supposed to be an almost full-moon that weekend. The weather should be great too, and I'm hoping the fall colors will be at a peak. Man, I hope it works out. I am planning on going to the Buffalo River, probably Hercules Glades area--there's a gorgeous campground there with access to a trailhead, if I remember correctly from my last backpacking trip there--and it's pretty close to the river and to some awesome bluffs. I want to go Friday night and leave Sunday afternoon. We'd make some basic hobo-packs Friday, day hike and *play* Saturday, and eat some good food, and worship God. A lot. I want it to be a real restoring break. I hope it can happen. I need to figure everything out and get solid plans in gear so I can start inviting people. Sheesh. I also want to have a barbeque at my place next Friday or Saturday. We'll see. I'll let fools know.

I'm tired of weeks like this. No time for anything and when I do have time I waste it taking naps because I'm freakin' exhausted. Naps are a waste of time. I would much rather get all of my precious sleep in one long shot and have a wonderfully productive day and then rest wonderfully again. It takes me so long to fall asleep!! If I could take those crazy 20-minute power naps, I would, but when I need a nap, I need like an hour, 'cause I'm usually deprived. Why do I do that to myself?

I just finished the book Between a Rock and a Hard Place yesterday. It was pretty cool. I dreamt about it last night. O-kay, this is way too long.

When I decided to follow Jesus Christ, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn't know it would be hard, filled with trials, carrying my cross, recognizing my sin day after day after day, mustering up the courage to confess it and repent of it, trying day after day to turn around and face God and be different and be a light to the world.
This weekend was rough. I am so selfish. So selfish.
Don't get me wrong. I would NEVER go back. Ever.
I just wish that sometimes I could take people's place. But I know that could never be enough. Jesus did it for the people I love too, my family and friends. My family...if me dying meant they could know Jesus, I would do it. I've been praying for God to show me and give me more of His heart, and I told him I didn't care how bad it would hurt...and man, this speck of His love in my soul hurts. Along with that...recognizing how my selfishness and sinfulness hurts others really hurts too. My mind is so skewed sometimes. I can be so judgemental...I'm thankful for my close friends who are able to love me through that. Logan and Dana especially.
Meanwhile, there are plans for a camping trip coming up, either the 2nd or third weekend in October. I hope some cool people can make it. Non-cool people are invited too, because I will be there and I need some companionship.

It's kind of weird to say this, but...I'm becoming masochistic, I think, in the area of physical exertion. Don't get me wrong, this is a brand new feeling I'm having, but...I'm beginning to like my cruel (as of late) workouts. I even signed up for an 8k...never done that before. I will probably die of dehydration or hip-joint pain at the end of it. I don't know...I can run for an hour straight, but I run so slow that I'm not sure that I can complete 5 miles in that time. Which is really lame, but I have short legs. Gimme a break. But, anywho, it's almost time for me to get off of work, almost 9, and...well, I actually want to go to SMS and run. Huh?! This is probably just a phase. I'm sure I'll be over it in about a week. Check back with me in a month and see if I've stuck with it--I will personally bet YOU $20 I will have quit already...

Woah! It's been a long time, now hasn't it? Since last time lots has happened...new house, new job, new clothes, Jill's baby, riding my bike (yes!), a call of some sort, and much more! I now work in missions and it is amazing...I get to read missionary newsletters as part of my job and my heart gets desperate and I get tears in my eyes...all on the clock. There are awesome things going on all around us all the time! I just want to do it someday! It's really inspiring to see how many people have devoted many years in the ministry here in the U.S. and then get to go onto the field...I don't have to do it and get it over with right away, although I'd like to--God's timing is best. BUT I'm super pumped about doing missions soon anyways...and World Missions Summit. Everyone and their dog should go. It will be incredible.
I'm getting back to working out. It's so difficult for me to make a habit of anything, let alone working out. When I swam it was a no brainer--I was so into competition I didn't even think about how it was keeping me in shape. And riding my bike everywhere was a no brainer too--I just did what I had to do. I finally feel like I'm my age. 25 is coming up really soon...weird. Well, I should go--I'm having a garage sale with Jen tomorrow, and helping landscape at the Hub, so it's gonna be a long long day. Love ya'll!

Today on my run, my knees bothered me, but not as much as last week! Yay! Praise God. I also embarrassed myself; when I was listening to "Anything" on my cd, I was so happy I ran faster and faster and jumped up (pathetically) and hit a leaf, and a van drove by and the people probably saw me! Embarrassing!!! I probably looked like a fool. Fool. That has been my favorite word for about three months. I really hope that we can get that wonderful house on Boonville. Jesus, please? I'm excited about life, and my near future...and scared, too, that the dreams and things I want like a new, good job and that house and something else, won't ever come true/happen. But, it's okay! Yay! I have Jesus, and that's all I need. I love Him. He makes me smile really, really big. I am so manic, but...life is beautiful. It truly is. And so are people. I wish we weren't all so scared of each other...scared to make conversation, go deeper...okay, well, to end this, I thought I would share my dinner, for Mandy's sake:
12 spears of asparagus (mmm!) and angel hair pesto pasta with chicken and chocolate milk. Yummy!

Man, I feel poopy. I don't want to go to work for a half-day, but I feel like I should. But first...I dunno. I think I should rest, but I want to iron all my stupid clothes and wash the stupid clothes that shouldn't have gotten dirty yesterday but did, and put my other clothes away that will inevitably end up on the floor again in a week or two and mebbe sweep the floor, then shower, look clean and maybe a little awake, and walk over there. Or take the bus. Either one really.
I am excited about my church. I love it! I actually am a member now, bought my first sermon on cd (it's a great salvation message for someone special), and am getting involved as much as I can with the Benevolence "Constructors in Action" ministry...even though I have not an ounce of "constructor" in me. I just wanna help with fixing up stuff, and eventually the extreme home makeover we're gonna do this summer. I am happy too cause I am the youngest girl and only girl my age in the whole group. A guy from my Sunday School class is gonna try to be in it too, who's my age; but besides us, everyone is 30 and up. Mostly middle-aged handymen. I don't care! Maybe they can teach me something besides how to hammer nails (although I can't even do that right half the time.) We had this volunteer 'rally' on Sunday night and hung out in the atrium; unfortunately, Logan and I don't really know anyone except for the 'famous' people in the church-- you know, the pastors?-- and so we sat there and smiled anyways,watching the love. And drank some yummy coffee, although it was evil Starbucks coffee. Then we went home and I think that night we pigged out on ice cream...no, that was Saturday night. We also watched Mars Attacks. Which was pretty funny and also creeped me out a lot, as a matter of fact. Gosh, I can't get enough of this Mae cd. It's so HAPPY! I can't stop smiling when I listen to it. It makes me want to buy it for people I love so that they can love it too. I think my favorite songs right now are "Anything" and "Someone Else's Arms." I feel like the little guy in the drawing next to the "Anything" lyrics when I hear it. Man, it really is spring. It's so great. I missed the last two "springs" in Springfiel-- in '03 and '02 it was like, a day of spring and then !BAM!--Summer. Blech! NO! Spring. Spring is better. And there's no better book to read at the outset of Spring than The Secret Garden. I read that a few weeks ago. In other news, I need to get back into my guitar groove. I have been slacking off with practicing for over a year, so I've made very little progress. But, Sunday night I played this song that I couldn't play a year and a half ago because my fingers were too stupid to do it. My pinky has become much smarter! It's an exciting thing. I think maybe I will take a lesson or two this summer--maybe it's about time I did. I don't know how to teach myself more. I want to get into theory so I can write songs better. I hate that. I wish I was given the gift of songwriting to go with writing poetry. Oh well. God has bestowed that upon others. Sometimes I feel like Soliare on Amadeus with my jealousy of others skills---NOT! That guy is psychotic in that movie. Nah, I am just a little envious. And plus, I'm a little psychotic myself anyways. But not in that area. Oh no.
Please pray that we get the house on the 'wrong' side of the tracks....please! Please pray for my roommates to get awesome jobs so that they can call the landlord and be like "We have jobs now!" and he can be like,"Oh, then I want you to be my renters!" Pray for our favor. Me, Dana, and Courtney. Oh, how we want to live there! What a great sanctuary of a home that would be. Au revoir!

Prayer needed for:
Job that pays well.
Getting out of debt.
What missionaries to support.
Belgium.
California.
Jamaica.
Memphis, Tennessee.
New house to rent in July with Dana and Courtney.

And finally, against the depression at my door, ready and waiting to come in and take over my heart.

In lighter news, I got some Honey Graham Oh's and am enjoying the deliciousness right now. I did get a job, but it doesn't pay well (hence the prayer request). I also am enjoying the new Copeland and wanting desperately to go buy the new Mae. In Motion is beautiful and incredibly creative, but I long for the poppy tickly-ness of Mae today. Today I was too melancholy to listen to Copeland, but I did anyways. Hmm, haven't had cereal for dinner in a long time. And now to bid you farewell...

I think that if one sits in the muck of her own self-loathing too long that it starts eating away at her skin. Dang it. That sucks, because then everyone will think she's more ugly than she already is.

"Satan is not in these books! He's in here; it's in your hearts."~John Lithgow, Footloose