Have you guys heard about that guy that just drove through the farmer's market in Santa Monica and killed 9 people? It got me to thinkin,"Life is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fragile." I mean, anything weird like that could happen and just steal my life away. Our life could be taken away at any moment. ANY moment. I went to a seminar this morning, a live broadcast actually, with speaker Mark Mittleberg on CCN, talking about reaching people in the secular landscape. I've been reading a book about campus ministry, and have watched part of a series called,"The Making of a Mentor" by Alica Chole. All of this is getting me so pumped up about coming back to school. I mean, the Great Commission really freakin' scares the crap out of me. It's a scary job. I read something that said something like,"When people become Christians, they don't always realize that they are actually moving out to the front lines, becoming a primary target in this war we're waging." As leaders in ministry, we are prime targets!!! We are going to be attacked more than a complacent Christian, because we are dangerous soldiers on God's side. We can mess things up. All I can think is that I know I will make mistakes, I know I will be persecuted and shot down and jabbed at and made fun of for being all out for Jesus. But if I don't believe that God can work through that than my God is too small. If I don't stand in the face of all that shooting that is BOUND to happen, I don't believe in my heart, in His power. So my prayer this summer is that I will believe in it enough to be made uncomfortable. Enough to know that when I actually speak the Gospel instead of just saying (like I ALWAYS do) that my way of witnessing is by my life example, that I may be pummeled but it doesn't mean that I or God have failed. And He is made strong in my weakness. In the past, I have been too scared to simply SPEAK. I make great friends with non-Christians, we talk about God, but I never INVITE them to know Him themselves verbally, and the truth is that they may never have been asked that question. A question like,"If you could know God personally, would you want to?" or something like that. This is very frightening to me. I pray that I will not turn people off. I was on that side before. I have been burned by Christians. Lemme tell you. I still have reservations and cynicism towards the church. Because of this, I have been too scared to say anything about these friend's relationships with God. When I have, I feel that I have driven them away, although that may not be the case. But I have given up. I never want anyone to be a "project." There are people I care about deeply, so deeply that I don't ever want to tread upon their beliefs~dang it!! I need to start believing in the truth of what I am saying!! If I have been living a different life, when I speak Jesus' name in regard to it, even if they turn me down and turn away, I will have said whom it is I put my trust in. Hopefully they will look at our friendship and see that I have not been trying to force my 'religion' down their throat. I'm trying to give them hope. I want them to go to Heaven. So bad that I am willing to risk saying something uncomfortable. To utter Jesus' name~*gasp!!* Is it supposed to be that bad? But if God can forgive Peter, call him His rock, then though I have failed in the past, I pray that I can become what Peter did. That I can trust in the Holy Spirit's power and NOT ON MY OWN. That's what I'm realizing this summer. He does it. He can work wonders through me. It's not up to me! It's not up to my own strength!!! I am weak!!...but HE is strong. HE is STRONG!!! God, help me believe that!!! Help me love the way you do! Help me live the way You ask me to. Help me believe in my small but penetrating circle of influence and not think that I am a failure if I don't have 30 super-close friendships. Help me Jesus, help me.

Hellooooo....I went to this rad place called IKEA today. It's like this modern-like furniture home store, and it made me wish I was settling down somewhere in my own little pad or something, or that we had an IKEA really close to Springfield so that me and Lacy can furnish our place real nice. I miss you girl! I hope you had a great birthday (I obviously forgot ) and I hope things get better, please don't move back to Guam!!! (he he) There was this SA-WEET 'loft-bed,' which is actually like a bunk bed without the bottom bunk and tons of space under there instead.
I got online and there was some thing about how the new 'summer it-thing-to-do' is to be a single celeb!! I just thought to myself,"How lame!" while reading about all the newly or recently single (many divorced) people and how ET was referring to it as the 'hip' thing to do. Dumb. Just plain dumb. Do people ever stay married nowadays? Seems like they don't.
Anyways, so yeah, that store made me think about how I wanna get a little run-down apartment or house and fix it up real nice, and have my sweet little pad, real close to a campus (since I will prally do campus ministry, although I don't know if I will be full-time or not) in Scotland or wherever God wants me, with my own doggie, and schtuff. But this won't happen for, mmm, several years, I'm thinkin', so Oh well. I need to go running today but there's only like mebbe one hour of day light left and I am really tired. I don't want my exercise program to lose it's juice already? Okay, I guess it won't. I've been doin' really good. Mebbe I will still go tonight though. EEERch!!! I dunno! I really miss everyone. :( I need some direction.

"I'm the captain of the gravy train...all aboard!!!"~Homsar

Hey guys! Have you checked out the new Homestarrunner character introduction thingie? If not, you should! I was rollin' around with laughter. Especially at the hidden homsar one and The Cheat. Oh yeah! Scroll buttons scroll ? like a heart attack! Anyways...I did an interval workout today running to the Matrix soundtrack. I prally looked like I was trying to kill myself, but I wasn't. I got my heart rate up to 187 though, which is pretty hard to do! The music just makes me wanna be Trinity. I don't know why! It makes me wanna run like 80 miles an hour with a really determined look on my face and a shiny leather outfit on. I also watched the extended DVD of The Fellowship of the Ring, and teared up more than once this time. It's just sooooo good!! I can't wait for The Two Towers extended DVD to come out, let alone The Return of the King! They (whoever they are, I don't really know--simply referring to the people filming the movie) are gonna make the Chronicles of Narnia into big films LOTR style I hear--sweet! huh? And I also hear that the movie "The Passion" about Jesus' last 12 hours here directed by Mel Gibson is comin' out next Easter!!! OOOoooh. Neato. Anyways...I'm almost ready to come back home. I'm ready to see my dad first of course, then go home. I might get to see my sister and visit her home!! I am gonna take the Amtrak from Reno to Chicago (mebbe Chicago) and perhaps meet her there. I've never really been on that kind of train before. I mean, like, in my known memory. I mean, like, I took the train to San Fran with Paula on Thursday...and I took the train from Gatwick to London last year...and I apparently as a baby took the train from my birthplace, Lompoc, CA to Iowa when I was around 1 and a half...otherwise, I haven't!! At least, not a cross-country trip!!! I think it will be cool and I won't have any plane jitters. That will be good. Okay, well, I'm prally gonna go use the jacuzzi or hot tub or whatever you call it, see if Paula wants to go....that's all for now!!!

"Aaron have you ever had a feeling in your chest
that made you just want be free?"
it was a warm afternoon when she asked him this
as they sat on the shore by the sea.
Aaron just tugged at his hair and he took
a very long time to reply;
and by the time that he spoke, she'd forgotten she'd asked
it was lost in the clouds in the sky

He said, "Kelly I don't think I've ever wanted as much
to be free as I long to be known,
and of the things that I hate when I look at my life
the worst is my being alone."

Of all the things known that he could've spoken that day
he chose one from deep down inside
Without intending her to, he caused her to confess
her false confidence and how she had lied

She said,"Aaron I don't think I've ever wanted as much
to be free as I long to be known,
and of the things that I hate when I look at my life
the worst is my being alone."

And as they headed home neither of them could speak a word
And they held their own spirits to blame
But at the pulse of the wave they both turned around...
thinking someone was calling their name...

Oh someone was calling their name...

~The Worst is My Being Alone by Waterdeep