I've been listening to Waterdeep this morning, mainly the song, "I'm afraid that I'm not supposed to be like this." It truly says it all. I've been thinkin' about how far I've come, have I really come that far? etc. I don't know. I guess so. I fished out a poem from summer '99, when I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half and the summer before college, meeting Jesus, and all that jazz. I think it shows that I've come a good ways...

Untitled

Why must I carry on
Lost in my song
Sorrow grips me
Moves my lips in misery
Love defied me
Love betrayed me
Saw the truth there that
I didn't wanna see
Did you forget me?

Did I overcome you?
Thought I'd healed inside
Yet the truth is, instead, I died
Thought I'd gotten over it
Thought I could forget you
But you beat me to it
Now I know I never did

Shame covers my heart
Fear controls my dreams
You let go too fast,
Too fast for me, it seems

Did you know I'd rewind,
Go back to our time
Did you believe I loved you
Or that I needed you?
Now I find a new path
That leads to the ocean
of my tears
Cry your name and listen
No one hears
my questions
Can you feel my sorrow?
Can you touch this torch of pain?
Can you love me once more,
Become what I'd live for again?

Nicoustical July 1999

I'm super hungry and sore from the show last night. I went and saw a.ly.awaits, and they were purty cool. I had a lot of fun moshing with Andrew and Wayne, and we all got to yell 'Milkshake!' like a million times. I did somethin' weird to my neck and back, though. After that nonsense I went and watched The Two Towers for the fifth time, and it was amazing, as usual. I think that one of the most amazing parts in the movie is when Treebeard discovers the pillaged forest edge and lets out that deep cry. Oh, man, that part sears into my soul, just cause it's showing how much Saruman stopped caring, how much evil is truly going on. I don't like how they bring Frodo and Sam to Osgiliath in Gondor, cause all that business doesn't happen in the book, like where Frodo goes up and almost gives the ring away? Yeah, not part of the book. Oh well. When the movie was very nearly finished, it stopped and one of the employees was like,"There's a severe thunderstorm goin' on outside right now...I'm sure you've been hearing it." We were all like,"Uh, no!" Finally I think they realized that we didn't want to drive home in it and so therefore, while we waited, we should watch the rest of the movie. Hello?!

"Butt happens."~Bryan at the show

"Andrew is a non-confinist."~Wayne

"Being the one is like being in love~no one can tell you you're in love, you just know it, through and through...balls to bones."~The Oracle